colourblind. | 𝐏𝐉𝐌

b&w.

the world is so.. boring.
to me, the world is a shadowed void.
i don't get the joy of seeing the difference between a bright summer sky and a gloomy winter one. i don't get the joy of seeing the beautiful contrasting sunsets and sunrises. i don't get the joy of saying "oh, that colour suits you".
it's all the same. all blank and plain. either light or dark, not neon or pastel or metallic.
i've had achromatopsia for as long as i can remember. i have always only been able to see in black and white, is if i was permanently looking through an old tv set.

over time, i think my personality has become as gloomy as my vision, the permanent shadows not only lurking in my sight but in my brain too. i find it hard to find entertainment in normal things: taking a walk, admiring the scenery, etc. it's all so bland when all you can see is black and white.

besides, it's not like i have any friends to make these things the slightest bit more interesting. the people in my world are as uninviting as everything else. they make fun of me, holding up different colour pencils and asking what colours are they, or to tell them apart. so i've learnt to keep to myself and myself only. they're not worth my time.

get surgery, you say? surely there's a cure, you say? no. the doctors have always told me to keep on hoping, that scientists are always doing new experiments for new thing, but they were sugar coating the fact that there is no cure. and if there was, it wouldn't be around for a long time. with what i have being so rare, i guess they have other priorities. so i gave up on being cured too.

so really, i have nothing to get happy about anymore. everyday of my life is the same, and you might say that too. but you see different colours all the time, different colours everyday, different colours on everything, no matter how similar what you do yourself. i don't.
so, for me, everything is plain, gloomy black and white. my surroundings, my social life, my personality, everything.