I wake up, after that seizure still in the hospital. Wishing that Ricky would stop up just to give me a little something. But I know he won't.
I've know Ricky for about 4 years. I found him about 2 months after I started using. He basically became my scout. He found the drugs and together we would do what we had to, so we could get the drugs.
As I scan the room I look over to see my mom asleep in the chair nearby. It kills me that she still cares about me. I just wish she could throw me away like dad is.
Dr. Nelson comes in, "Well good morning Sophie! It's so nice to actually be able to interact with you." He walks over to the computer and start imputing things. "We are going to keep you for the afternoon, and if all goes well you will be out by dinner time."
I sit and say nothing, just stare at the wall.
"Are you feeling well?" Dr. Nelson walks over to begin checking my vitals.
"I'm fine. Just pissed that I'm stuck in this damn place." I respond
Mom shifts in her seat and wakes up.
Dr Nelson looks back to me, "like I said, tonight if all goes well."
"Thanks doctor," Mom can hear the sarcasm in my voice because she gives me a sharp glare.
Once he leaves I try to go to sleep, because I know once I get home, I won't have nice meds to keep my withdrawals down, so there won't be sleep.
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Mom wakes me up smiling. Saying it's time to go. I slowly sit up, I can feel the headache began. I instantly need more. I know that once the withdrawals kick in. There's no stopping them. Not until everything is out of my system, again.
I walk down the hall, see many people look at me. Staring at my track marks and blown vein from the overdose. People are so fucking judgmental. If you don't live like them, you're fucked up, if you live like them you're a copy cat. Fuck all that.
We reach the doors to the outside. Most of me is saying to run, just go. Run back to my home, back to Ricky and most importantly back to my true love, the dragon. But the tiny bit of humanity that I have left says stay. Get your shit together. You're only 21, there's still time for you.
Without another thought I climbed into my moms Mini Cooper. Buckling up, trying to think of what's suppose to be important in the world. Trying to except the fact that I didn't even get to say goodbye to the dragon. That the overdose I had was suppose to be it. For what? I stared out the window admiring the moments I had with the dragon. Ricky shooting up then injecting me. I'll tell you, nothing is more intimate then that for a drug user. Remembering every track mark on my body, starting with the arms, the usual, moving to new adventurous places. Such as my legs, hands, neck and breast. Just thinking about getting a needle in my vein gives me a release of happiness, and I shudder with pleasure.
"What are you smiling for?" Mom gazes at me while driving.
"Nothing, just glad to be out of there." I lied. But I don't need to tell her that. It will just hurt her. We are silent the rest of the way home.
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We pull into the driveway of my childhood home, the life that I chose to walk away from 4 years ago.
I was back once, trying to redeem myself. But that clearly didn't work, hence the reason I'm back.
Dad is outside, looking throughly pissed off. He doesn't want me back. He made that more than perfectly clear. Mom parks the car and allows dad to help her out. I have nothing. I literally have the clothes on my back. I have no phone, I sold that along time ago to score. The clothes I have, I've had on probably for 2 weeks now. Following mom and dad into the house I know what's coming, rules, curfew, deadlines, classes and NA. Kill me now.
GROUND RULES
Go as follows.
•no leaving the house alone
•no phone/internet/tv access for the first month, then options will be discussed
•no friends over
•no medications(they will be locked away)
•chores are required
•NA(Narcotics Anonymous) is required
Got it, so no curfew. I just literally can't leave the house! Awesome..
That's get this shit over with.
