Amor
Decraw
It is when our
Inner eye is blinded
That we see
For this is the time
When we look and listen
Chapter 1
How does an abused mind start?
Does i
t start in the womb? Or does it begin with the first breath of life.
I know that mine began, it began when a connection of bodies brought about my being. My mind grew in a twisted sense of reality, with my father as my lover and my mother as a companion. I was an old soul. Knew the ways of the world before I knew how to shop for a bra, yet it was never enough.
I craved more knowledge and the expectations I had for myself soared. Never feeling right, never feeling as if I fit in anywhere, not even in my own family.
My body was foreign to me. So I disguised it behind a wall of fat. It kept other lovers at bay, yet the pain I felt it suffocated it inside of me. It created a monster that ravaged my spirit. It was a monster that perpetually fed on the very sanity that I tried to cling to. This monster was my mind.
This contradiction caused a sense of insanity that continues until today.
Despite the medicine, it still visits me. They say that it’s supposed to keep the thoughts from consuming me, but that is a joke. It seems like now they are now all consuming. But still I digress and try to make it work.
Sometimes I slip back into my thoughts of despair. I used to find a sick and twisted kind of solace in this place. Yet the dark is a place that I never want to return to.
