Connections | ✔️

Thirty nine

Valerie P.O.V.

After an absolutely crazy week, I arrived home on the weekend. A part of our flight was overnight, and since L.A was two hours ahead, we landed in the very early morning on Sunday. Carter and I got some breakfast before we both went our separate ways. I threw a load of my clothes into the washing before collapsing in bed. I normally would put off unpacking for a few weeks, but since some things were wet, I didn't want them to go all moldy. After popping my clothes in the dryer, I took a long nap.

Once everything was organised and back to normal, I decided to scroll through the hundreds of images I had on my phone to select one of Carter and I to upload. I was pretty excited to do my first coupley post. In my last relationship, he hated taking pictures and we rarely ever got any cute ones. This was kind of a first for me, in a sense. I chose a pic of us that we had taken on the beach together, where he had an arm wrapped around my body and I was leaning into him with one hand on his chest. He was looking down at me with a soft smile, whilst I smiled at the camera. It was one of my favorites. I pondered over the caption for a little while before keeping it short and sweet.

After being happy with the photo and caption, I posted it before heading over to my DM's. There were a ton that had built up after everything that happened from my birthday, and since I was essentially m.i.a for the past week with Carter. I opened up a decent amount from fans, exclaiming how much they loved us, which made me smile so much. His fans were so, so sweet. I responded to those ones, saying thankyou and sent a few loveheart and smile emojis, before continuing on.

@clace.006

Stay away from Carter!

Ouch. I ignored the spiteful message and kept reading, replying to some friends before I got an interesting one.

@I.X.label

Hi Valerie! We really love what you've done with Jess Lewins shoot, and we have another opportunity coming up if you would like to join us on set as a stylist. We'd love to have you on board. Look forward to hearing from you! 💓

Woah. It'd been a while since my New York trip, I was totally excited to play with some more clothes and accessories. I responded immediately, expressing my interest. I continued to filter through the messages before I opened another...

@y3zza_7

You're so desperate for attention, getting in everyone's snaps and videos. No one likes you!

What? I instantly felt very uncomfortable, fidgety and frustrated. In my conscious mind I knew that it was just hate, but I couldn't stop it from making me feel anxious. It was like only two people from many other positive fans, so it shouldn't mean a thing... but it still somewhat affected me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong? I shut off my phone immediately.

It doesn't matter.

Easier said, than done though. Forget about it. Forget about it. Forget about it.

But what if they're right?

Am I just that random, annoying, unwanted person?

My mind was completely overrun, it was like a constant tug of war inside my head. I slapped my hands on my forehead before dragging them down my face with a groan. This sucks.

"Knock knock!" Ellana's excited voice came through before she swung the door open and jumped onto the bed beside me. "Ahhhh I missed you!" she threw her arms around me.

"Heyy, I missed you too!" I mustered up a believable smile and hugged the bubbly girl. I need to forget.

"How was the rest of the trip? We haven't talked since like two days ago!"