catharsis.

entry five

dear diary—

i went out to a party with zach and jonah last night.

it was kinda crazy.

zach convinced me to have my first sip of alcohol. my dad has always said that zach is a bad influence, but i never agreed with him.

i still don't.

alcohol doesn't taste like i thought it would.

there's something dangerously thrilling about doing something you've always been forbidden to do, and that's what made me take another shot, and another, and eventually drink a bottle of something that a random guy handed me.

zach found me about an hour after we got there. he was buzzing, but i was totally wasted.

"time to get you home, dani," he laughed, pulling me into a sitting position on the stained couch.

"my dad's gonna kill me," i informed him, my words slurring together.

"nah, i won't let him do that. promise," zach said, perching beside me.

"i think i'm gay," i blurted suddenly, my hazy mind failing to remind me that that was something i wanted no one to know, and was something that i wasn't even sure of yet.

"okay," zach said simply.

i stared at him. i was so shocked by his response. wasn't this the part where he refused to be friends with me anymore and told everyone, ruining my reputation?

"what?"

"okay," he repeated, smiling. "i still love you. you're still my best friend. and....it'd be kind of a douche move to ditch you, when i'm gay, too."

at that point, i think it all became too much for my alcohol-addled brain to handle, because i don't remember anything else until waking up this morning with a hangover that must have come straight from hell.

it's so freeing to have at least one person know and accept who i think i am.

i'm still not sure. it's so much to think about, possibly not being who your parents have raised you to be.

maybe i don't need to label myself.
maybe i don't need to figure it all out.
maybe i should just follow my heart.

maybe everything will be okay.

—daniel