YOU MADE ME WHOLE AGAIN

“Trisha!!!! Get up you lazy head!” that was my mom screaming out loud waking me up. Talo nya pa ang alarm clock. Actually, hindi ako nagigising sa alarm clock but with my mom’s to-the-highest level pitch ewan ko lang kung hindi ako magising. 

“Yeah, mom, gising na po!” I am too lazy to jump out of bed. It was a cold Sunday morning. Wala naman akong choice or else she will pull me down of my bed. Hhhaaaiiisssttt… As I was on my way to the bathroom, I glance in a calendar hanging near the door. “Oh, it’s been 6 yrs now since we moved to New York”.  We moved to New York after mom and dad got annulled. Yes, I am now into a broken family and it’s not fun.  My mom is working in New York, my dad in a multinational company but was based in the Philippines. We meet sometimes pag may travel sya here in New York, he finds time to visit me. Mas mabuti na nga siguro yung ganitong set up. Kesa naman gigising ka in the morning with loud voices and commotion all around. Talo pa nila ang gyera sa Iraq kung mag-away.  I am the only child. Bakit ako lang ang anak, aba ewan ko. Baka simula ng ipanganak ako e nag-away na sila ng nag-away.  Honestly speaking, the root-cause of that is.. they don’t have time for each other. Mom is oftentimes away and dad is so busy. When mom is here, dad is not around. Hindi na nga yata sila nagtatabi sa kama. Hahaha.. Me, I was often left with yaya Puring. She portrays the role of a mother to me.  I can re-call Yaya Puring’s words before we left. 

“Ikaw bata ka, mag-iingat ka parati dun ah… wag ka magboboyfriend ng foreigner.. ibang lahi yun baka hindi namin alam lahat e katayin ka na nyan.. mas boto pa ako kay Mitu kahit uhugin yun mabait naman…  Ma-mimiss kita anak..”

 Yaya Puring is indeed nakakatawa, but I like her. I will surely miss her, and now, I’m missing my yaya.. And Mitu.. I miss him..  He is my playmate, my bestfriend.. I don’t know why did yaya called him Mitu while his real name is Michael Anthony Lozano. Ang ganda di ba.. Pwede naman, Mitoy na lang..nevermind, whatever.. may pagka-weird talaga ang yaya ko.. Mic Mic ang tawag ko sa kanya and he called me Trish.. and we are bff.. He even cried nung nalaman nya na aalis na kame. 

 “Trisha, hurry up we’re gonna be late!”   naputol bigla ang pag-iimagine ko si mommy naman kasi agaw atensyon.. panira ng trip.. Ang sarap kaya mag-imagine.. Ano na kaya itsura nila ngayon?.. naku tama na reminiscin’ of the past Trisha, kelangan mo na maligo bago pa sumapi ang kaluluwa ng mga war veterans sa mommy mo.

“Mom, are we gonna meet Tita Sofie this early?” I asked mom while we are having our breakfast. Kasi naman 7am pa lang.  Nasanay na ako in this scenario, dalawa lang kami lagi ni mommy since we left. Sa Philippines, kahit nagwoworld war 3 sila, we still manage to have breakfast together yun nga lang.. mabibingi ka sa katahimikan.. kaya ako.. focus on the food.. ayun.. I grown big.. literally big.. waistline ko.. 30” at the age of 11. Nag-trim down lang ako.. as in diet when I was 15, kasi gusto kong magpapansin sa crush kong kano.. ayun hindi pa rin ako napansin..so what’s wrong with me??!!  Well I don’t care, sabi naman ni yaya wag akong magboboyfriend ng foreigner. But I like him so much that I want him to be the father of my children… toinkz! Father agad.. hindi pwedeng boyfriend muna..hahah.. nahaluan na yata ng ka-greenan ang utak ko dito sa States.. In fairness I feel good sa new figure ko. And the thing is, MAGANDA AKO! Yan ang confidence, go Trisha! 

“This afternoon pa honey..” maka-honey naman ang mommy ko parang hindi ako sinigawan this morning.. Kung afternoon pa, e bakit ang early nya naman ako ginising..ang sarap pa kayang matulog in a cold weather like this..  Pero may pupuntahan daw kasi kame before we meet tita Sofie. She didn’t tell me where.

“Here we are”. That was my mom with a smile as she wakes me up.  Hindi ko na naramdaman ang layo ng byahe namin ni mommy.. nakatulog kasi ako sa car and siguro mom knows I’m so sleepy pa kaya she didn’t wake me up. We don’t have a driver kaya si mommy ang nagddrive.   

  “What are we doing here mom?” I was a little bit shocked as when I opened my eyes, we were at   front of a designer’s boutique.

“Next year is your debut, and you know naman anak, I don’t have the luxury of time always, so right now, we going to choose your gown”.. teka teka.. tama ba ‘tong naririnig ko.. gown.. debut.. OMG! 9 months pa before my debut.. and GOWN!! Yaikz! I don’t wear gown..  I am comfortable in wearing my loose shirt and pants and snickers. I admit napapagkamalan akong tomboy in my outfit, but I don’t care.. this is where I am comfortable. And the thing is MAGANDA AKO! Yung lang tapos ang usapan.

“Mom…” 

“Look, I know you don’t want to dress up, but see, you are now a lady. And I want you to feel like being a princess, a real princess.. Trisha.. you are beautiful, and will even be more beautiful if you dress up like a real lady”

Nakz, yun un eh.. sabi ko na nga ba MAGANDA AKO talaga.. but, real lady! Hindi naman ako fake.. ayoko lang talaga mag-gown I feel like mangangati ako..

 “Ok fine.. but just for this occasion mom”. Pinagbigyan ko na si mommy, gusto ko rin naman ma-feel nya na obedient ako.  Most of the time kasi what I want, yun ang nasusunod. But this time, it’s mom who wins, mabait akong anak ngayon. Parang gusto ko rin naman to feel how it is to wear a gown. Honestly, hindi pa kasi ako nakaranas magsuot ng gown. First time ko pag nagsukat na ako..

“Here try this one, pag nagustuhan mo then ipapatahi na natin sa kanila”.  Mom is holding a single-strap body-hugging lavender gown with see-through back. Whooohhh..too sexy.. parang ayoko na lumabas pag suot ko ‘to.. but anyways, pangangatawanan ko na mabait akong anak ngayon kaya susukatin ko na.

 Here I am sa fitting room. Nakatulala. Ang ganda pala talaga ng bagong kong figure. I look so damn hot! Ewan ko lang kung hindi pa ako pansinin ng crush kong kano. Isuot ko kaya ‘to papasok sa school. Ikot ikot..tingin sa side. Men, I’m so pretty and sexy and all.. Hindi naman kaya nasosobrahan na ako sa confidence and self-admiration? E anong magagawa ko, MAGANDA AKO.. yan ang motto ko. So I went out of the fitting room.

“Wow, that’s so perfect for you!” one of the saleslady exclaimed. 

“You are beautiful beyond compare”.. may crush yata sken ‘tong salesman sa boutique ah. Kung makatitig e parang wala nang bukas. But I’m enjoying the feeling. I enjoyed being admired this time. Siguro kasi since I was young, I haven’t been admired or I haven’t experienced being praised. Tama, wala pang nagsabi sa akin that I’m beautiful. Mommy ko lang and my Yaya Puring, two of my greatest fans.  Kaya ako na lang ang magsasabing MAGANDA AKO.

“Mom, what do you think?” 

“Honey, I can’t believe it.. you look so lady!”  Ay gusto ko na talaga ito.. it’s time for me to have a little bit of landi naman sa katawan. Kasi eversince I was young I used to wear t-shirts and jeans. Kaya siguro hindi pa rin ako nakakaranas ligawan kasi mukhang tomboy ako.  Hindi ko nga naranasan magsuot ng palda tapos ngayon biglang jump to the highest level..GOWN..