Personal Soldier (Nathan Sykes Fanfic)

Personal Soldier (Nathan Sykes Fanfic) - Ch.7

Upon hearing a loud knocking on the door, I reluctantly left my place on the sofa and walked over to it. “Who is it?” I call, knowing already who should be stood on the other side. “It's Santa Clause... who d'you think it is Kit-Kat?” I heard Jay reply sounding slightly annoyed, most likely due to the fact in was freezing out and he was stood on my doorstep. I swung open the door with a genuine smile on my face. I was always happy to see by best friend. “Allo Santa!” I said to him. “Oh shut up you.” He pulled me in for a quick hug and I went to close the door behind Siva who was following Jay into the hallway. “Y'alright Kat?” He asked happily. “I'm alright, you?” I chuckled as he pulled me in by the shoulders for a hug. “Good good, I'm doing grand now” Siva worked in the lab at PROTEGO as head bio tech. He was transferred earlier this year from another agency and instantly got along with everyone, especially me and the boys.

“So Kit-Kat, hows the boy doing?” Jay called from the living room. I walked in to see him already plopped in front of the TV on the sofa. I didn't answer and he looked up at me. I remembered everything from this morning again, it replaying for the upteenth time in my mind. I simply shrugged and looked away from Jay as I sat beside him. I didn't really want to bring up everything and hoped he'd drop the matter. Of course he didn't.

“Oh no, what did he do, eh?” He asked jokingly. “Driven you over the edge, 'as he?” “Jay, it's-” I let out a sigh. I honestly didn't know what to do, but maybe Jay or Seev could tell me what to say to him. I wanted to make it better. But, I doubt I could. “-it's not that he's done something bad Jay ... He's ... he's given up. He told me that there was no point in me protecting him, that no one would care if he was caught and killed. I know that I hated him at first, telling the truth, he's not done much to make me like him still. But I'm worried because I know if I leave this he could do something stupid and I don't want his blood on my hands. I need to help him, say something, do something. But .... I-I'm completely stuck ....” I trailed off and looked up to see Jay and Seev, their usual happy faces, replaced with seriousness. “Wow, Kat .. I-I don't think I ever seen you so ... worried, scared, whatever this is.” Seev said, coming to sit beside me on the sofa as Jay spoke. “Wow, I don't- I honestly- Like Nathan really? You know I met him yesterday, he was great, didn't seem like anything could bring his mood down. I can' think of him giving up, I mean how can he think he's alone- what about friends? I mean what about his father? He doesn't think he's ....” “I don't know Jay, I don't know what he thinks, I can't exactly just stroll up to him and ask, especially after the fact I usually end up being a total bitch when I talk to him. But he said he has no one at all and I was told he didn't have a great relationship with his dad anyway, he doesn't think he cares about him” I shrugged. “That's rough man-” Jay leaned back on the sofa and rubbed his hand over his face.

“Kat you have to talk to him, let him know that he can't just throw things away like that” Seev threw in. “Ahh come on Seev, it's not that easy. He'll just brush it off like I don't mean anything. I mean to be perfectly honest ... he's life kinda has gone to shit ... and like I told him, I'm not here to pat him on the back, tell him things will be fine...” “You really care about him” Jay butted in and looked up at me. “Woah- I mean I just don't want the kid killing himself or getting himself killed, I care about my vics Jay, all of them.” “You know he's only a few months younger than you, he's not a kid-” I rolled my but continued. “-and I know you care about you're vics Kat, but I've never ever seen you get messed up about one like this, infact usually you don't really get into what they think or feel, or whatever.... You like him” He gave a small smile to me but it soon fell, going back to seriousness. “Jay, I couldn't stand the ki- ... Nathan yesterday morning and truly things haven't gotten much better .... I don't like him, believe me. Like I keep saying I don't need this on my head alright.” Both Jay and Seev didn't seem convinced, they dropped it though. “It's not the time guys ... come on”

* * * * * *

The boys had left about half an hour ago. We agreed the best thing to do would be talking to him, try my best to convince him that he was definitely not alone. People cared. I'd sat at the bottom step of the staircase since they left, still I hadn't done anything yet. I didn't want this to end at us screaming again like it always seems to, we have yet to have a civil conversation with one another. And really .. I didn't want to see the anger in Nathan's eyes again, the same that scared me so much, just this morning. I sighed and lifted myself from the step and slowly climbed upstairs stopping outside his door. I lifted my hand to knock but stopped and took a deep breath. I gave two knocks but didn't hear any reply or movement. I thought he was most likely ignoring me hoping I'd just leave it. I wasn't going to. This time I knew for sure he was still in the house though, I'd kept a close eye on the door all day, making sure he didn't go out.

I sighed again and pushed the door in. The light from the hallway flooded into the dark room. I saw him sat on his bed, back on the headboard with his chin resting on his knees. He turned his head slightly but didn't look at me and he squinted his eyes, adjusting to the light as I flicked the lightswitch on. I walked over, sitting on the edge of the bed not looking at him. I saw him lift his head fomr the corner of my eye. He stared at me, then cleared his throat. I thought I was gonna be the one to have to start this conversation, I was glad when he started to speak, “I'm sorry Kat .... sorry for all the screaming and shit earlier this morning. I hope you'll- I hope you forget what I said, just ignore it .... please” I looked at him. His eyes were slightly puffy and a little red, he was crying earlier. “I'm not going to Nathan- Nath” he wanted me to call him that I remembered. “If I ignore it you might do something stupid-” I held my hand up before he spoke so he didn't interupt me. “And yes I know you're not a child, I've been told. But you can't throw your life away Nath. You think no one cares, like no one would notice if you gave yourself up, but they would. I mean .... I .. care”

He looked up at me with a little look of confusion on his face. He crossed his legs on the bed in front of him. “Don't tell me that Kat. It doesn't count if it's your job to care. It's not genuine. I know you don't like me, you haven't since I meant you.” He looked into my eyes and I sighed and looked down. “Well that's true I don't .. particularly like you ... but it's not just the job that makes me care .... I do care for everyone I guard, but you're ... different” I mumbled the last bit a little. What the hell was I doing? I had no idea where this was coming from, no matter how hard I tried to hold the words in, I couldn't. God damn that fucking Jay. I think he's gone to my head. I looked at him his eyes slightly widened. He didn't say anything. I pulled him in by the shoulder into a hug. I heard him gasp slightly as I wrapped my arms behind his neck. He was shocked. So was I. I don't know why I was so caring. This never happens to me...

It was a few seconds before I felt his arms wrap around my waist and pull me closer a tiny bit. “Let me look after you Nath .... please .... don't let yourself go” I whispered into his ear and he pulled me tighter into his embrace. I didn't want him to let go, I don't know why, I just didn't. I shouldn't be doing this though ... I pulled back from the hug and kept my hands on his shoulders. I looked into his eyes, I never noticed he had green eyes. They were beautiful. He stared back at me and I could see him come closer, very slowly at first, but then I let out a gasp when his lips crashed into mine and his eyes slipped shut. It took me a second to realise what was happening, I pushed him away and shot up from my place on the bed. “Kat ... I-I-I'm so sorry ... Kat-” but I was gone. I rushed into my room and banged the door closed. I stood there for a few minutes not moving an inch. Nathan didn't come after me, I was glad. I mean what was that? What happened? I could get in so much trouble if anyone found out about the kiss. I didn't want it to happen either.... I don't think I did. Well I can't think right now.....