Connections | ✔️

Forty two

Valerie P.O.V

I knew it was too good to be true.

I slid out the Polaroid picture of us from the back of my phone and held it up before me. I stared at it deep in thought, looking at how carefree I was, and how happy we were.

Maybe all we were meant to be, was a sweet summer fling.

Maybe that's all I was.

I turned the picture over, no longer being able to stomach the sight of it, as I tucked it far away in my drawer. I pulled the covers over my body and traced the empty space beside me, feeling the barren, cool sheets instead of soft, warm skin.

Maybe us no longer exists.

The tears spilled silently down my face as I curled up in a tight ball, hoping to get some rest tonight.

~

A couple days later, I continued to laze around at home, moping over our fight and our semi-breakup. The pit in my stomach grew, as my ringtone blasted through the empty silence with Carter's name flashing across the screen. Tears welled up in my eyes at the simple sight of his name. His name. How messed up is that? Was it normal to feel this way about someone? Before I could fight back the overwhelming emotions and thoughts, so that maybe I could answer; it stopped ringing. I couldn't bring myself to pick up and hear his voice. It was too hard.

He never called again.

As always I entered the deep abyss of churning thoughts. He only called once. Was I not worth another try? Was our relationship not worth more? Ugh. I'm being ridiculous again. Of course he's not going to care anymore. I ended things essentially. I did this.

Once I let myself fall, I truly fell. So deep, I didn't bother carrying a ladder down just in case.

~

It's like all of a sudden the color was sucked out of my world each morning I got up. The sky was dull and grey, the birds were no longer chirping, the people were no longer laughing. Or maybe I just couldn't see or hear it, because I was physically and mentally clouded by the crippling devastation of my current unfortunate situation. Tiredly, I wrapped the apron around my t-shirt and tights to start my shift at work today. It had taken almost everything to get somewhat dressed and out of the house- but I needed the money since I'd been away a whole week on vacation.

With him.

"Hi what can I get you?" I asked in a monotonous voice to the next customer.

There were dark purple circles under my eyes, my hair was a greasy mess and my skin was dull and pale. Picture perfect.

Place cup under drip. Pull the lever. Two shots. Sugar. Mix. Steam the milk. Swirl the milk in. Lid. Done.

"Hi what can I get you?"

Place cup under drip. Pull the lever. One shot. Sugar. Mix. Steam the milk. Swirl the milk in. Chocolate sprinkle. Lid. Done.

"Hi what can I get you?"

My sad, boring voice droned on, customer after customer as I made drinks. Sorry they had to witness such shitty service. My bad. My mind was too preoccupied to be able to do anything else.

How could I be thinking of him when I was at work? It's like he was a part of everything I did. I had memories with him here. So many good ones, in fact. I couldn't help but think about it and him, losing my mind to the thoughts of us. It was tough getting through the orders, I just didn't want to be here right now. I didn't want to see people. Worse than that, I didn't want to see happy people. Cute, happy couples coming in for a bite. Screw you and love.