#OneShot1
"Emergency room."
I ran after ending the call. I ran fast like I was running for my life. I just have to see him. I wanted to see that he's still breathing... because I'm still holding on to his promise.
Na babalik siya..
Na babalikan niya kami..
I didn't bother apologize to the people I bumped into. I didn't care if they got mad and throw glares at me. I just wanted to be at that fucking room. I just hated everything about my life! Hindi ko na alam kung paano maging masaya after he left us. Every night, I would hear cries.. I would hear things breaking.. I would hear heart crashing..
My eyes roam around when I saw a lot of people outside the room. I saw Mommy sitting beside Tita Ana who was patting her back. I went near them and sat quietly while my eyes were still fixed at the unknown people.
"How's Dad?" I asked.
"The doctor's still inside." Tita answered for me. Mom stayed silent and that made me feel more anxious.
"Do you know them?" I asked again. They also looked worried and I haven't seen their faces before. Why are they here like they knew my father?
I was waiting for an answer. I didn't care who would tell me who they are. I just wanted to hear something. Hindi naman ako tanga. Hindi din ako bobo. I just don't want to acknowledge it. Kasi masakit.
"Sino sila?" Ulit ko. Tita was about to speak when Mom stopped her.
Instead of answering me, she told me to follow her and in just a minute, I found ourselves inside the chapel. Mommy sat down and I followed. For a couple of minutes, we let silence enveloped us. Tahimik din akong naghihintay ng sagot niya. I wanted to hear it.
"They are your father's second family." She said and my eyes became watery. My lips were quivering. My hands were shaking. "Kaya siya umalis sa'tin ay para makasama sila." She was starting to cry again while I just stayed silent. "Sinubukan ko siyang pigilan. I begged for him to stay.. I tried fixing everything.. Pero ayaw na niya talaga, eh."
And in just a snap, nahaluan na ng galit ang pag-aalala ko sa kanya. "You knew all along?" May bahid ng galit na tanong ko. "All this time, alam mo ang dahilan kung bakit siya umalis. Habang ako, naiwang walang alam! Araw-araw naghihintay ng paliwanag.. Ng sagot sa mga tanong na laging nadadagdagan araw-araw.. Na ang tanging pinanghahawakan ko lang ay ang pangako niyang babalik siya kahit wala namang kasiguraduhan kung kailan! How can you be so unfair?" Sumbat ko. I just can't believe they can do this to me.
She held my hand. "Ayokong magalit ka sa kanya. Mas gugustuhin ko pang paniwalaan mong babalik siya kaysa sa kamuhian mo siya."
She's trying to explain but I just can't understand. Hindi naman na ako bata na walang muwang sa mundo. Marunong na akong umintindi.
"Do you think hindi ako galit na malaman lahat ng 'to?" I asked while crying. "Pinagmukha niyo akong tanga, Mommy! Muntik pa akong maaksidente kanina dahil sa pagmamadali knowing na naaksidente ang tatay ko. Tapos ngayon malalaman ko na naaksidente siya kasama ng kabit niya at mga anak niya sa labas?"
Para akong tatakasan ng bait. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas nangingibabaw sa'kin ngayon. Ang pag-alala para sa kanya o ang galit.
Kaya pala nanlalamig siya kay Mommy kasi may iba..
Yes, he has been a good father to me. I was the only child kaya akala ko wala akong kahati sa atensyon nila. I just felt so betrayed.
Lumabas ako ng hospital and drove away. Sinubukan akong pigilan ni Mommy pero hindi ako nakinig. I just can't be with the same place with them. I can't stand any more minute there knowing na naaksidente si Daddy kasama ang mga taong ipinalit niya sa'min.
Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. Basta gusto ko lang lumayo. My vision became blurry because of my tears that didn't stop from flowing. I stopped my car and went outside.
I shouted..
I cried..
Tinatanong ko sa Kanya kung bakit kailangan naming pagdaanan 'to. Am I not a good daughter? Kasi hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginawa ko to deserve this kind of pain. Parang sobra naman..
I heard my phone rang. Akala ko si Mommy ang tumatawag but it was Tita Ana so I answered it.
I can hear her deep breathing..
"Mica, ang Daddy mo.."
I was crying while staring at his grave. Everyone was looking at me like they pitied me. Nang makita ko sila ay mabilis akong lumayo. I don't want to hear their apologies again. Na nawalan din sila kaya huwag ko silang sisihin. Hindi naman nila kasalanan na sila ang pinili. Nagmahal lang naman daw ang tatay ko. I was in deep pain and I have no room for their apologies.
Fuck them!
Kung hindi sila dumating sa buhay ni Daddy, sana buo parin kami ngayon. Sana buhay parin siya ngayon. Nagmahal? How can you afford to love knowing that you're hurting someone? How can you be happy knowing that you've ruin a family?
Inagaw nila ang Daddy ko. Sinira nila ang pamilya ko. Tapos sasabihin nilang wala silang kasalanan?
That's bullshit.
I stayed there for an hour. I watched them as they bid they're goodbyes. I was far from them but I can still smell them. Amoy mang-aagaw. When I saw that the three of them were already inside the car, I wore my earphones and put it in full volume. I pressed the red button and soon heard a loud explosion. I smiled as the mere sight of them burning. Their car that was a gift from my Dad was burning and so as their souls in hell.
Magsama kayong lahat sa impyerno.
