It's 3 am, I'm alone again. Stuck in between feeling nothing and everything at the same time. I lay here and stare at the blue light flickering on my ceiling. A million different thoughts rummaging through my head, most of which are about him. I contemplate existence for a few more hours until my alarm goes off, informing me that it's time to get my ass to school.
I get out of bed and shuffle over to my closet, I throw on a pair of light blue mom jeans and a maroon halter top with a black and white flannel shirt. I comb my shoulder length dark brown hair, apply a layer of mascara along with some eyeliner then grab my things and head downstairs.
"Hey sweetie," Says my mother immediately after seeing me.
I nod and force a smile before grabbing my backpack and keys and heading to my car. My car is nothing special it's an old black 2004 jeep grand Cherokee with a cracked windshield. But, it does its job so I really can't complain. I climb into the driver's seat, start the car and back onto the street.
I get to my first period about 3 minutes before the bell rings and take a seat in my desk. I slowly pull out my notebook and pen right as the bell rings and everyone else rushes to their seats. As usual, he takes a seat next to me. I avoid eye contact and doodle in my notebook as Mr. Fletcher starts his morning lecture. The bell rings an hour later and I start heading to my next destination, the upstairs bathroom. It only takes me a couple minutes to get there because I basically have a reservation in the elevator by now. I push open the door and step into the bathroom.
"Hey El," says Haley.
"Hey" I reply.
"How are you feeling?"
"I didn't come for small talk Haley," I growl, " I'm not in the mood today"
She sighs and hands me a small bag before leaving.
I open the bag and pour the contents out into the palm of my hand. I stare down at the small blue pills in my hand. I look at the small letters, 'Xanax'. I put them in my mouth and swallow them without hesitation. I study myself in the mirror for a moment, my pale ivory skin, my blue eyes, my full lips, my petite figure. A shiver of disgust crawls down my back and I quickly back away, sigh then head to my next class.
The final bell of the day rings at 3:15 and everybody rushes straight to the cafeteria or wherever else they go after school. As for me, I usually meet up with my friends outside of the main entrance. So that's where I start heading.
"Looking good today El" Jacob yells from behind me.
I look back at him and he shoots me a wink before turning around and meeting up with his other douche bag friends.
I make it outside and spot my friends at the usual picnic table.
"Hey guys," I say as I take my normal seat.
"El, so glad you could make it" utters Matthew.
I roll my eyes and stare down at my phone, blocking out everything around me. I scroll through Instagram, past all of the anorexic looking models and all of my classmates. After I decide there's nothing interesting I slide my phone back into my pocket.
"El how were they?" Asks Haley.
I look at her in confusion.
"You know," She says, "what I gave you in the bathroom."
I roll my eyes and shrug.
"They were fine, enough to get me through the day anyway"
She nods.
I get up and head to my car only to see Jacob and his friends in a grey convertible parked next to me. A wave of anxiety rolls over me and I take a deep breath as I realize I've been spotted.
"Elise!" Yells Blake.
I look at them and he waves me over. I slowly change direction and go to their car.
"What are you doing later?" Blake asks.
"Nothing," I reply with tension in my voice, "why?"
A smile appears on his face. "Jacob is throwing a party later, and you're at the top of our invite list"
I fake a smile. "I guess I'll come"
Jacob and Blake both smile and take a look at the rest of their friends before looking back at me.
"Here's the plan, you're gonna call your mother and tell her you're staying at Haley's house tonight to do homework. Once you talk her into that you're gonna hop into the car and we're gonna give you a ride to the party. Don't worry we'll bring you back later to pick up your jeep"
I hesitate a bit then climb into the car, into the seat between Jacob and Blake. Soon after Dominic starts the car and begins the 30-minute long drive to Jacobs. Halfway there I feel a hand on my left thigh, and I look over as Blake shoots me a wink.
