Beyond A Smile

"Millions of things hidden.."

"..Beyond a smile" A smile expresses many types of emotion. Most people say that it is an indication that you're okay. Others say that it shows happiness or gratefulness. I think that all that is false.

You see, maybe I'm over exaggerating. 

You see, maybe I'm seeking attention.

Maybe .. life is a dream.

Maybe ...

People say that there are a variety of things to be grateful for. Like life for example. They say you should be grateful to be alive but did I actually ask to be given life in the first place. They say to be scared of a gun or a knife but the real fear is living here in this... this 'world' that we call Earth. My world is blank. I surround myself / set my eyes on things that are supposed to make me 'happy' or people's definition of happy. Friends, writing, college, good grades, school, graduation. Do these things genuinely make me 'happy'? Not forever. I wish. Yet I walk around everyday with this thing called a smile plastered on my face, just so people don't worry about me.

Am I an actual person? I have asked myself this many times before, simply because I don't feel things that others may feel. Like this 'happiness' thing. I most definitely feel pain. Not physical 'pain' but deeper.. within. My soul cries to me. It says , "please end this suffering!" and yet everytime I try to, I fail. I want to set my soul free. People say. People. In my fucking ear. It's always what the people say. "You shouldn't want to kill yourself." oops, I do. And I'm only six fucking teen. Take this as a joke, or don't. 

Life is an illusion.

Death is the true meaning of life.

'Happiness' is a lie.

My soul speaks his mind.. and this is his story..

*Hey, it's Steph. I decided to write this book because of three things. 1) I love writing. 2) It's an outlet for me. 3) People may relate to what I am going through. Read it or don't I won't be using real names, but I will be using my own name. Stay tuned. & No, I'm not ending Triangle either.*