~ Is life simply an illusion? Is 'happiness' just a saying to express society's definition of the word 'happy'? Is death our source of freedom? Is death actually life? ~
Happy : Adjective ; feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.
The last time I felt and showed this and meant it was August 3rd, 2009.
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That is me. On a swing set. At a park. With my uncle and brother. Not a care or worry in the world. I remember this day clearly. I damn near got hit by a car and I swear I was t e r r i f i e d. Soon though, things brightened up once we all got ice cream.
That... that is society's definition of 'happy'.
Happy. H. A. P. P. Y. I attempt to abbreviate it but it literally has zero ways to abbreviate it. It doesn't make sense. Happiness makes no sense. Everyone's head is revolving around this happiness. What is so good about it? Why can't I feel it.
Why can't we feel it Stephon? Tell me why? Is happiness a good thing? I deserve to feel good.
Good.
G.
O.
O.
D.
Good is a word that I have used in many sentences. "Are you okay?" they may ask if I give off a sign that I am what they like to call 'sad' and my response is always "I'm good." I lie. Shit, what is 'good' supposed to feel like.
My definition of 'good' is being high. Marijuana is an outlet. It puts me in that space. That death space. Freedom.
Freedom. That is one thing that I would love love LOVEEEE to feel. Freedom. I love it. I want to be free, nothing holding me back from the universe. My universe.
Happiness. I would never understand it. Never. Until I actually truthfully one hundred percent feel it and mean it, I would never understand and believe it it real.
Illusion. 'Life' is an illusion. 'Life' confuses me. My life does not. Sometimes I sit and I think about what if I was free. My free soul flying, being at peace within himself. All these "what if's" and yet I would never be able to make my so called dreams reality.
