Made in Oklahoma

chapter 1

I started my senior year of high school, hoping that it would be different, but yet I get up and feel the same. Nothing's changed in my life. I have the same shitty people in my life as I did last year. While everyone has come back from summer looking brand new. With their tans and summer long flings. My hair is still brown and curly. I'm still short... and nothing has changed. I am still the same annoying person I've always been. As I walk into school, everything is repetitive. It's the clicks and friends that have been together since kindergarten. Examining the school that I've been at for the last three years is pointless. I get out of my car and walk to my friends, they're going on about some new guy.

"His eyes are so blue..."

"He's totally anti-feminist!"

I started to listen to the chatter, and then Cassie shouted, "HE'S A HOMOPHOBE!" I almost found myself arguing with her just for the fun of it. She went on to talk about his videos and this big controversial topic of woman's rights and how he isn't for them. I dare break her from her rant, and I don't have anyone to eat lunch with. Cassie was about the same height as me give an inch or two. She had sandy blond hair that she recently cut to a bob. Her eyes were a grayish-blue. She was beautiful. She liked to pretend like she knew everything, insisting she was always right. While I, on the other hand, I pretended to know nothing. We fit perfectly.

As we walked to class, she asked me how my summer was. I didn't want to give her a real answer, while she may have been the only person that really understood me. She knew what I was going through, life is complicated. I realized that my family life wasn't her problem. I am always filled with guilt, my family is all I have. Yet I am working so hard to get away from them. "It was, Fine."

She looked at me sternly, "You can't hide forever, Mel."

I looked away to see a giant crowd of students in the courtyard Cassie said that she couldn't believe how many people were fawning over this...celebrity. It was incredible how many people were over there...even after all the things he had said.

We tried to rush past the crowed area, and someone grabs my arm, I looked over, shocked, and I see him. He says, "Hi, I'm Nash Grier." As if I didn't know that. As if his name means something to me.

Cassie said, "Is she supposed to care?"

I then said, "The homophobic?"

He replied, surprisingly clam, "I'm not homophobic.". I didn't know what to say, and I just stared at him. Our eye contact is broken by the bell, thank God. I walked away, confused that he even came up to me; in my world, I'm invisible. I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking about. To be honest, I felt terrible for him, all the people crowding him. He probably just wanted some help.

I came into my Drama Class, which was taught by this short Filipino woman, Mrs. Bryan. She had a reputation of having a hothead, but I'd been in classes with her before, I felt well prepared. I sat down in the class with a bunch of people I'd known for about three years. Yet I felt alone. No one wanted to sit next to me. Considering it was my first year in competitive drama, I had to make myself known. I had to make people want to be with me, I had to change. Make myself seem better then I am.

Mrs. Bryan started off by giving out a "contract," as she put it. It required us to do so many hours of shop and costume. A lot of the drama kids scoffed as if it was a joke and a waste of time. The big shots I call them. I knew right and well that I had a lot of work to do to make my name in the class. I was dying for attention, I didn't care where I was going to get it. The bell rang, and I was finally able to leave the room where I was made an outcast again.

I went straight to Students Assisting Students, I met up with Cass as soon as I got there. I looked around the room to see who all was in there, and Nash was sitting next to me. He looked at me and said, "this is SAS... right?". I looked at him while he continued on and I studied his face. He had freckles that sprinkled across his face. His eyes were bright blue and they pulled you in like the tide. Only the ocean was polluted like his past actions. I wanted nothing to do with this boy. But yet I felt the need to listen to what he had to say.

He said, "Are you okay? You haven't said a single thing since the first question I asked you."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. This is SAS...have you tutored before?"

"My brother... judging by your looks, you didn't get my joke."

"I'm sorry I'm a little distracted. Can I ask you something? Why are you talking to me?"

He looked puzzled as if that question was ridiculous. I just couldn't figure it out, he often was expressionless until someone talked to him. Then his face would light up with the joy of a child. Something I longed for. "You seem... nice and just as burdened as me.". That was hard to digest. It felt like a punch in my gut, for someone to see me so clearly. Mrs. Wind came in and introduced herself to us and told us we had to keep a journal of what we did every day, from what we learned to any problems. She sent us away in pairs of two to go sit in a class and pick where we wanted to student teach.

She then started calling out names, "Cassie and James, Melissa and Nash..." so we left. We walked in silence for a couple of seconds before I asked him what he was doing in Oklahoma. He said, "We came because we have family here that needed us.". I understood that sentiment. Always being needed and used. Never being told that you're appreciated for the hard work you do. It's just assumed, you shouldn't have to be told.

We get there, and we end up in Mrs. Adams's classroom.

"Hello! I'm Mrs. Apple, I teach IEP math. During this period, I teach geometry. Feel free to sit anywhere." Her room was so colorful and organized. It looked like the outside of a stereotypical alien space ship. With all the reflective gear around the room, she looked like she was trying, and that's something I could appreciate. As the class came to an end, I told her I'd like to student teach with her and Nash Followed in pursuit. As we were leaving for lunch, I received a text from Cassie,

Cassie: "Hey, I won't be at lunch. I'm going with Jules."

Me: "Who am I going to eat with... and why can't I come?"

Cassie: "We already left, sorry."

Me: "Okay"

I guess that leaves me alone today.

After a trip to T-Bell, I waited outside my world history teachers' class. His name was Uselton, and he had all my siblings before me. He was a really rad guy. As I waited outside the room, eating a bean burrito Logan Richardson appeared. With one hug from him, I knew I wasn't over him. I was definitely in for a treat. I can't wait for this day to be over. I kept making eye contact with the clock and Logan, we had history but no future. If I had known that, I wouldn't have let him break my heart. Logan has brown hair, his eyes are also brown, but they have specks of gold. Around the iris is green, like the life he gives off. He was one of the few people here that didn't act like trash. He was everything I wanted in a boy, but I wasn't enough for him. Reluctantly the bell rand, and I could bolt. As I walked to get my brother Craig I am in a crowded hall, the rush of students trying to escape education. Craig was in the Special Needs hall, not a lot of kids go down there because they are worried they'll catch an intellectual disability. The kids here are superficial, and they pretend to be authentic. Only they're the kids that you hear about on the news. The ones who sell drugs and smoke in the parking lot. The red neck trailer trash your parents worked hard to get you away from.

As we exit the parking lot, I found myself thinking about how nice it would be to have someone where I have no one.

We pulled in the driveway, and my phone buzzed

"I had a good time today, how about lunch tomorrow?"