The Beautiful Sickness

~Chapter one~

I open my eyes , the bright ,warm ,morning sun shines in my face. My chest feels heavy like a baby elephant is sitting on it. I can barely breath. It has been like this for over the past three months. Every morning I lay in my bed for hours looking for a reason to get up but I should probably introduce myself before I get into all of that. Hello, my name is Ashley Han And I suffer from carcinoma aka breast cancer. I've had carcinoma since I was 18 , its has been 4 years. My mom and dad died of a car accident , my sister died in childbirth and, my other family is either dead or just cut out of my life. I live with my best friend ,his name is Caleb Bible. He is 21, He looks Mexican but he just has very dark hair and skin. He takes care of me like a obsessed little brother, Kinda cute actually. We live in a five story apartment that has 2 bedrooms and one bath that links to the kitchen and the living room. Well that about sums up my life. I finally get up as my rough feet touch the cold floor. I walk towards the kitchen bout to make breakfast when I come to hear knocking at the door. Well in your ears it might sound like knocking but in my ears it sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard. I make my way to the door , I stop about 3 feet away ,it is just a habit of mine. A very stern voice yelled out and said " COME ON CALEB ITS HAYDEN OPEN THE FREAKING DOOR !!!" . So I reach for the old rusted down knob and turned. I cracked the door as little as possible and asked who are you and what do you need? He said " Oh I was looking for Caleb I must have the wrong apartment." He started to walk away ,when I said No you have the right one I'm just a friend. So I invited him in and asked if he want anything. " A coffee please and where is my brother?" he replied. He is at work. I answered. " Then why are you here if he is not home ??" he asked. Actually I live with him. I replied. "Oh so y'all are dating??" he asked with one eyebrow held up high. No. I answered. He began to speak again but I could hear nothing not even the boiler that I had put on the stove to make the coffee. Everything started going into a blur. A soundless blur. I headed for a chair but my legs completely gave out , I hit my head on the oil stained coffee table. Everything went black the air became thin I could feel someone holding me very tight ,I tried to hold them too but I couldn't feel them anymore. When I tried to speak it felt as though my mouth had been sown together. All of my life all of my visions and all of my memories were like a slideshow inside my head. Next thing I knew I was being shaken, I started to hear and see again. I could feel and speak again. A soft low voice called out to me , I look up to see a emergency medical technician (EMT) he had curly dirty blond hair , blue eyes, Pale skin , and freckles. He's slightly short, not fat nor muscular ,nice attitude and a metal cross around his neck. "Hey are you OK?" the EMT asked. Where am I as I ignored his question. " You are in an ambulance ."

"When did I get here???"

"An hour ago you were not doing anything but reaching out for me and holding me close like you knew me or something."

" I am so sorry I was scared and and"

" It is fine I was kidding. Do you like rock music??" he said Looking for a way to calm me down.

"Oh heck yea." I answered

"What is your favorite band ?"

I started to go in and out then I passed out. I dream of fields of green and that I would see my family again then I started hearing voices and they sounded like my moms she was calling out to me, telling me to go with her so I did. I started to float as if I was on a boat rocking side to side then we met up with my dad. We were on a cloud it was beautiful there were golden pearl gates and a we all were wearing eggshell white gowns. It was so beautiful. I kept walking towards the gates while my mom was whispering.

"Mam?" I asked gently.

She spoke louder and said "Go to hell!!!"

I began to feel as though I was drowning. Blood started flowing out of my mouth. That is when I found myself back in the ambulance, Actually coughing up blood. We hit the hospital ,I kept on throwing up blood while the EMT that was talking to me , rushed me into the ER. They stuck a liquid that looked as though it was water they said they were giving me some medicine to put me to sleep.Two hours later I woke up and Caleb , Hayden and my best friend Shanna were there. The doctor came in and said " Can I speak to Ashley alone please?"