dear diary—
three years down the drain, just like that.
all this time that i've been clean.
all this time that my arms have burned and itched and tingled with the need to cut, that i've ignored.
gone.
and it wasn't even for a good reason. i was just laying in bed, listening to simple plan, and my arms itched and burned and tingled
so
i grabbed my blade, and i drew it across my arm, and blood welled up in the neat slice i'd made in my skin, and it felt so good.
until it didn't, and the guilt from being three years clean then relapsing for no good reason came crashing down on me.
god, i'm such a fuck up.
if i don't feel guilty for cutting, i feel guilty for not cutting.
what if i'm just cutting for attention? because i want jonah or zach or even corbyn to notice the cut on my arm, a recent addition to an old collection started on my twelfth birthday, and hold me close, and tell me i'll be okay?
why the hell do i feel like this?
what is wrong with me?
why do i feel empty inside?
i don't even have a good reason. my day was pretty good, and so was my week. nothing major happened to make me want to cut. i just felt empty inside, and i wanted to feel something.
does there have to be a good reason, a good excuse, to be depressed?
i don't know.
i really, honestly don't know.
i wish there was someone who could give me the answers.
until then, i'm on my own, i guess.
that's nothing new.
—daniel
YOU ARE READING
catharsis.
Romance"dear diary- corbyn is a refreshing beam of light in the dark familiarity of our small town. i hope he stays forever. -daniel" daniel is given a diary by his best friend zach, in which he writes out his innermost thoughts, struggles, and feelings. h...
