~Brody
My great grandpa died yesterday morning. My life is falling apart. I keep the smile I've always had on, but I'm starting to show my true colours. Nathan get's the family member part but not the others. I'm loosing all my friends, and I JUST realized this.. Damian is getting separate, and Nathan and I are becoming distant too.. I know he loves me and all but like he doesn't understand the pain im in. My heart is literally shattered and I've been hiding that. I've been getting really mad lately and I think he's noticed. But he can't do anything. I lose my grandpa in the summer. 7.22.18... and now 11.13.18. I can't do this. I loved them way to much to just watch them leave me. I won't say any of this to Nathan because he's so happy. I don't want to bring him down. We are twins, one of us has to be happy. And Nathan was chosen I guess. Maybe he's good at hiding his emotions from me, but im better at it. Fooling my class mates is the best way to keep them off of me. This book is the only place I can rant, or let my emotions out. I don't actually tell people what I feel because I look weak. But on the inside I am. My mom asks if im ok, and I lie and say yes. But that's because she'll call me a pussy or tell me to get over myself and be a man, but it's very hard to not cry sometimes. I'm usually strong, stronger than this. But life is getting me down lately.. like really down. I put my fake face on and go through the day, but then I get home.. and I still have it on. I take it off when I'm laying in bed. I hate when people ask if im ok. I'm not. AND I know Nathan will see this, hi lil bro. I've been lying to him too, I've been saying im ok. But he belives it. He's going through stuff too, with his brother and his dad. BUT he doesn't have to worry about losing friends. He's attractive. I'm not. That's why he can get a girlfriend in under .5 and I haven't had one for a while. Or one that I can say made me truly happy. At least he's happy. And he has me if he needs to talk to anybody. But I will keep my feelings inside from now on.
I'm done now. Bye
