Pulse

26

"you were late to school again." the school counselor stairs at me with concern. You know the look that school counselors have, because they think every student need's saved. I already know where she's going with this. Detention probably, and a study hour during lunch to make up for the two classes that I missed because I was late.

"And I'm afraid that we have to contact your parents." She says.

My heart stops in my chest. "what- what no you can't. They'll uh.. um... It'll be bad." I sound pathetic, pleading.

The school counselor frowns. I hate this lady. She turns to her computer and scrolls through something. grades, maybe. she's frowning that adult frown. the one that adults make when they go through bills, or tax returns. It's that look that's chiseled into their face from years and years of continuous frowning. kind of like smile lines on your cheeks. You know, the ones on old people, right at the edges of their mouth. Or crows feet. My mother had crows feet, wrinkles at the edges of her eyes from smiling too much. She resented them horribly. I always wondered how she got them, because she seemed to never smile, really. I always figured it was from before she had children.

"well Austin, I'm unsure of what else you want me to do. Calling the parents is mandatory..."

If they try to call my parents they'll find out that they are gone, ill be taken into custody. a random family. A random place. My parents will probably go to jail for abuse. Can they go to jail for abandoning me? Did they abandon me?

"I won't be late anymore. I'll Improve my grades...  I'll... I don't know... But I won't be late again." I stutter. My heart is pounding so hard. fuck this shit...

She purses her lips together, and looks away, considering. the School counselor pushes away from her desk and spins her chair to face me.

"fine. but you have to attend detention for the next two weeks during lunch. it's usually only a week but this will be our little deal," she says. "I know you must be really stressed."

I hate the sympathetic tone that she takes on... but I can finally breath again.

****

For the First time in weeks, Mike continuously glances at me from across the classroom... And even though it's nice to finally have his attention again, I'm fucking dreading it. 

you're such a fucking slut

His brown hair is particularly messy and his eyes are bloodshot, like he hasn't slept. I think about our tutoring session later. The session I plan on skipping. 

i wonder if Charlie will be in the apartment when I get back. I wonder if he hates me, If he's still pissed off. I wonder if i should even go back. 

I could stay with Jason and Danny maybe... 

you've already inconvenienced them enough. 

you would think this would be any teenage girls dream, torn between two boys. But this isn't a dream. This is a twisted reality where the clean, nice guy with strong arms and dark hair and good grades barely notices me unless I almost have alcohol poisoning. This is the reality that shouldn't be, but is. Where my sister was taken too soon, where I'm living with a druggy instead of a cozy house with my mom and dad. This is the reality where I'm a killer, by accident. unloved, fading. Sarah faded. I wonder if she realized she was fading. If she thought about it the way I do.

we're twins. identical. A perfect mirror of each other. I faded and soon so will you.

And this is where reality truly splits. This is where it gets fuzzy and uncomfortable. When you are unable to tell what is real and what isn't, you find yourself frozen in between two worlds. Kind of like when you are half awake and beginning to dream. You are Aware of this, but trapped inside the walls that is your brain.

Mike is clicking his pen, jotting notes. He looks up, and back down. This is repeated, like a cycle. He rubs his eyes, closes them. I watch him for several minutes until he notices, but when he looks up at me I can't tell what he's thinking. Is he mad? confused? I didn't have time to explain to him last night, but even if I did, what could I have said? like, 'hey, this guy that's yelling is named Charlie. he's my sort of boyfriend that I'm staying with because I have no clue where my parents went...'

Like that would even explain anything to begin with.

I press my fingers to my temple, rubbing in circles to ease the throbbing in my skull.

****

lunch detention is boring, and full of annoying people I would never put myself around, in any situation. Most of them were caught cutting class. Others for grades that needed improvement, so they had time to study. That's what I should be doing... But I just sit in one spot, in the uncomfortable old desks in a classroom I've never attended, with a teacher I've seen a million times around the school but have never actually met. However, as much as I absolutely hate being here, I can't help but to be thankful for the escape from Mike and the lunchroom, or having to hide in the library or Girls bathroom. both places that aren't really that good of hiding places but are at least quiet to an extent.

Here, in this classroom full of delinquents, silence isn't an expectation but a rule that has to be followed, enforced by the half-bald teacher lounging in his desk eating what I assume is Chinese takeout.

on the walls are posters of earth, the periodic table, weird quotes. typical science room décor. I read each poster out of boredom, and count every single tile on the ceiling (there's 236 by the way.) and before I know it, the boring, useless half hour of silence is over. the bell rings, people scatter. half eaten food is thrown away. the quiet shatters and I have to return to another three hours of chaos before I can go back to Charlie's apartment where I have no idea what to expect.

AUTHORS NOTE;

Heyyyyyyyy guys! I apologize for the super late chapter. Been swamped with work :') but here you go! hope you all enjoy the crazy chaos of chapter 26! (lookin' at you lilly.)