she doesn't love me || kjd

o

friday. 11:12pm. it's another night at the bar with miseok.

"i swear to god, if i don't get a hot g-guy's phone number i-in the next... 24 hours... i m-might just kill myself."
minseok's clearly trying his best not to slur his words as if he didn't just chug 4 jaeger bombs at once.

"alright hotshot, we all feel that way. don't get ahead of yourself, you're not special. i would've diluted your drink more if i knew you'd be like this." seolri hands the rather distraught and drunk minseok a glass of water.

"you want anything, jongdae? you've only had a double shot vodka and lemonade so far." she turns her attention to me.

"alcohol just hasn't been strong enough lately." i mumble.

"but i've only been diluting minseok's drinks? that vodka i poured you was basically pure ethanol."

"it's not that..."

it's just that nothing seems to numb the pain.

"ugh. you witch! what is this? poison?" minseok exclaims before subsequently almost spitting out his drink.

"it's water, hunnie." seolri sighs. "hang on i gotta go deal with this."

she hops over the bar to confront a 6'6" aggravated looking muscle man yelling at another, equally beastly, looking guy. a person in a rilakkuma full body costume was trying to film the skirmish, the chubby paws of the costume struggling to grip their phone as they squatted in the costume to film.

thinking seyeon would find this hilarious, i instinctively reach for my phone,
0 new messages.
that's funny, there's always at least a few texts from seyeon...
oh yeah, we broke up.

alcohol is definitely not enough. 
maybe if i drowned myself in pure ethanol and set it alight.
maybe i deserve to burn.

"well, they've calmed down and left the premise so i didn't need to call the police. but did you see that rilakkuma bear? what the fuck?" seolri swiftly makes her way back behind the bar.

"no call the police! a crime has been committed!" minseok whines.

we both look at him with equal levels of confusion before minseok goes on to explain,

"the crime is that i'm still single! call the stripper police! it's an emergency! i'm desperate!"

seolri and i exchange looks before groaning in harmony.

"okay, well on the emo topic of first world problems i'd also like to make the valid complaint that my life sucks." seolri shares, not that i care.

"i'm also super single and low key lonely because i'm so busy studying that i don't really have the time to socialise outside of work," she continues. "and even then, i'm scared i'm going to have to repeat the year because - no matter how hard i try - my grades still suck. god, what if i'm stuck with this job forever?"

i politely nod occasionally and pretend to look empathetic which is more responsive than minseok who's basically passed out, his body almost hanging off the counter of the bar.

"i'm trying so hard. everyday i'm studying, every night i'm mixing drinks. and what do i get out of it? i get insomnia, cat calls and spat at."
seolri's voice wavers, and i wonder if she's about to cry, but she clears her throat and continues sarcastically
"what a great life i lead."

"that's not true." i interject.

"huh?"

"you're resilient and adaptable and that's more than i could ever be."

i lose my temper easily and fall into old habits just as fast. i'm no good.

of course seyeon left me.
it was only a matter of time.

"you might not be seeing the pay off yet, but eventually you'll see all the work you put in fall into place. it takes time, but all that energy has to go somewhere."
i ramble, not really sure what i was saying anymore and minseok's light snores weren't much help.

"that's really cheesy but thanks."

"look, about the whole social thing though... when do you get off work?"

"my shift ends in 20 mins, why?"

"you should come clubbing with me and minseok."

upon hearing the word 'clubbing', minseok had risen.

"fuck, yeah. let's go." he has his arms in the air and a smile etched across his face. his cheeks were rosy and he had the drunk glow of a viking in valhalla.

anywhere with music and dancing, and drunk minseok would be thriving.