Saviors [A SVU and Bensler Fan Fic]

[Chapter Ninety-Two]

Elliot and I decided that we would keep Christopher out of school for the rest of the year, and by fall he'd be heading to a private school that we decided would be something to splurge on.

But as the weeks went by after Christopher got released from the hospital, and he grew stronger with everything that had been affected by bacterial meningitis. His words no longer slurred, well other than when he was incredibly excited, like when I went on maternity leave in late July. He was so excited that we got to spend more time together compared to when I was working full time. He didn't use the crutches anymore and he didn't need as much help up the stairs anymore.

"So, what do you want to do today?" I asked, and my five year old smiled at me as we lounged in my bed. Elliot had left for work, and Christopher apologized for not feeling like eating breakfast for him this morning because today was just about Christopher and myself.

"Can we eat ice cream all day and watch movies?" He asked with a large smile.

"We can watch movies, but I do not think we can eat ice cream all day."

"Why not?" He huffed a bit, but he was still smiling.

"Well, because I can't have ice cream as a meal all day. I gotta think about Meredith. But, I bet if we were to go out and hang out at the mall or something, you could have it after lunch." I smiled, and he nodded.

"Toy store?"

"I think we could go to the toy store." I grinned, before grabbing his arm and pulling him close. I started to tickle him and he laughed loudly. 

"Want to ask Grandma and Auntie Cy?" I asked, and he nodded.

"Yeah!"

[*]

We all really enjoyed shopping at the mall, and Christopher got the ice cream that he really wanted. I picked up some customized items that I had ordered for Meredith, and then we walked through a toy store for nearly an hour so Christopher could find the absolute perfect toy he wanted.

"Are you keeping up?" Cynthia smiled, as she stopped and waited for me to catch up with the rest of them.

"No, clearly I'm not, Cynthia." I sighed. She looped her arm in mine as we continued to head through the mall.

"Tired?" She asked, and I nodded.

"Exhausted. It's only the second week of August, and I have two more weeks left before I can be done being pregnant." I sighed.

"But you are excited to meet her, right?" 

"Yeah, of course, I am. It's just that I'm not too in love with how I'm feeling. Like I'm exhausted and my clothes don't fit and I miss work. I'm excited to just be free I guess..." I frowned. I didn't want to sound like I wasn't going to love my daughter and that I wasn't enjoying the ability to actually have her, but I missed being able to drink, eat certain things, take a hot bath, wear clothes that I used to wear, and sleep in any position I like. I missed just thinking about myself sometimes, but right now and for pretty much 38 weeks I've been thinking about the human inside of me also.

Cynthia didn't respond because she didn't know what I was going through. She'll feel the same when she finally has a baby.

"Momma, can we get a drink?" Christopher asked as he and my mother stopped in front of us. 

"Okay, let's get drinks."

[*]

We all went home and I had Christopher going through some vocab words, addition, and subtraction before he could play with his new truck. After he was upstairs and occupied, I went into the kitchen and started to make dinner. But I got interrupted by Cynthia. 

"Have you talked to Elliot about what you said to me?" She asked, as she boosted herself onto the counter and looked at me.

"About how I don't want to be pregnant anymore? No, not really. Maybe just when I can't even get my maternity pants to fit how I want to. But that's the only time." I frowned.

"Do you ever wonder if this would be different if Mom and Dad were still here?" Cynthia asked, and I nodded a bit.

"Yeah, I wonder every day if my feelings about becoming a mother again would change if I got the chance to ask Mom and Dad. They had just jumped into adopting me and then they adopted you so suddenly even after they talked to some random guy that claimed to be your father in Boston."

"They knew what they were doing, even if you don't right now. You fell in love with Christopher and adopted him as they adopted us. Do you think that it'll come as naturally to you as it did them? Even if this is different because Meredith is biologically your baby?"

"Cynthia, I'm just as confused as you are. I don't know what I'm doing. I just think because Christopher was three when we adopted him it made it easier. He was a human. He was potty trained and shortly after we got him he turned four. And now he is edging on five and I'm going to be trying to help a tiny person start their life." I frowned, before sitting the spatula down and turning off the burner.

"Where are you going?" Cynthia asked as I walked towards the front door where my shoes were.

"Wanna go to Albany?" I asked, and her eyes went wide.

"Albany?" She questioned and I smiled.

"You, Mom, Dad, and me. They won't be answering, but we can still ask them questions." I spoke, and she nodded.

"I'll go tell our alive mother that she needs to babysit." She smiled, and I nodded.

"I'll be waiting in the car. We can pick up tacos on the way!"

[*]

It was such a confusing day that being with my sister was just what I needed. We drove to Albany and we sang very badly and ate tacos on the way. Since we found out that we were sisters, and not just sisters but twins, we really haven't had a hell of a lot of time to just be together. To hang out and do sister things. And now that I am about to be a mother to two children and not just one, the time to just do sister things together was drawing to a close. She was going to head back to work soon, and I was going to be having a baby. We were going to get busy again, but I just hope that we can still spend time together because I hate not knowing what is going on in my sister's life.

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