My Bloody Truth pt. 1

Unthinkable but Expected

Once again life keeps surprising me with the worst it can take out of its pocket. I somehow just can't take it anymore. I have an anxiety attack and blur out everything I've been holding in for the past 2 years.
I said some stuff I should've never said I will be honest, but I was gonna snap sooner or later, and today was that "sooner or later" moment.

"I've tried my hardest to do everything she asks, I've tried as much as I could to make her feel like a part of my life. I wanted her to be a part of my family but clearly she doesn't want anything to do with me. I can't take this shit anymore, so tell her to shove her god damn finger up her ass!"

Right as I finish saying that she bursts in through the door screaming,

"WHAT DID SHE SAY?! No, IM GOING UP THERE SHE CAN SAY IT RIGHT TO MY FACE!"

As she climbs the stairs up to my room I brace myself for saying everything again.

"TELL ME WHAT YOU SAID"

"I said I'm tired, I can't take it anymore"

"You said I could shove my finger up my ass, say it again!"

As I look straight at her she launches a hand towards me.

"Don't you dare touch her, like you said you're not related. Don't you dare touch her!"

"This is why she doesn't respect you or me!"

She storms out of the room only to walk back ready to launch another hand at me. My father once again pulls her away and says the same thing.

"Wait till you're alone, you'll see what happens"

Now she was threatening me, great, just great! My life couldn't get any worse.

As she storms back inside my room to threaten me again my father walks in right behind her and pushes her multiple times. Even though she'd been Satan himself towards me I still decided to pull my father away before he did something he'd regret.

"WHAT THE HELLS WRONG WITH YOU?! THREATENING MY DAUGHTER RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!! THREATENING A CHILD AT THAT!!"

I tried to pull him back as much as I could until he calmed down and came back to his senses.

"I can't believe what you've just done"

"And I can't believe you'd be this way towards me after all I've done not only for you but for your family."

She grabs her purse and walks out only saying one thing before leaving,
"I've deleted you both"

And then she walked out. I had half of my closet on the bed as I was already planning to leave. Meanwhile I was locked in the bathroom with the usual and loyal shard of glass I keep in a small ring box. That was the only way my idiot self knew to cope with situations. Because learning to confront was for the brave, and after all I'd been through I was yet to learn that.

I walked out and took off my light colored sweater changing into a black one because the blood wouldn't stop flowing. And until now I've been sitting here, phone in hand facing the wall, sitting in my bed. I've been erasing every single thing that might slightly remind me of the existence of her. And as for her daughter, you have no fault in this. I don't mean for you to think I have any hatred towards you. All I want you to know is that I pushed you out of my life and my memories too because I couldn't bare to keep loving you as much as I do and be hated my your mother as much as she hates me. You've been a great sister towards me, and I hope you don't hate me. She'll talk bad, but the rest of your family knows the truth.

As of now I'm sitting here, in the same spot. I don't plan on telling my mother what happened. Nor do I plan on moving away. There's nothing in this world that can make me leave my father behind. He knows it well and I do too, he's all I've got. The only reason why I wanted to leave was her, but she beat me to it.

I don't know what will happen tomorrow. I don't know if he'll think it was my fault and I don't know if I'll be alive. But for now, I'm still breathing so the blood will keep flowing on, at least till it's all gone.