Infinity and Beyond

Untitled Part 1

Again and again.... Day after day... its the same all the time, progressively getting worse. I want to change, I want to be what everyone wants me to be but I cant. I don't know why I cant but that's what it is... im sorry. 

Whore, slut, hoe. I kept saying to myself that these words weren't true about myself but now its all starting to make sense. Everyone was right. That's just the way it is I guess. How many guys have I slept with? hmm...

Kyle. Hmm...weird guy. hah I remember when we first had sex. I was drunk off of Palmbays. In Warrens room. You were 25 I was 18. You're my second. I cant say that I'm glad that I met you. You are so bi-polar that its not even funny. Because of that, I cant ever love you again. God you're so fucken stupid ya know? Why did you use me for sex? At least that's what it felt like anyhow. I don't know.. is it true? Did you? I guess ill never know. You know I actually had feelings for you. Not anymore. You left me. Now you want to come back? What for? I don't mean anything to you. You block me and unblock me every time. It's getting quite annoying to be honest. I'll gladly be your friend, but I cant if you wont let me. Why say all these things. Shit like you want to kill yourself because you "don't deserve" anyone. Maybe you don't deserve anyone but there's no use in crying over spilt milk sadly. So what if you can never find anyone? Just be single. Don't bother people if that's all you're gonna do. You hurt me. You hurt a lot of girls. I've seen all your messages Kyle. Every girl I saw was looking for something in you. Maybe one day they will understand why I don't like you anymore. You're the type of person that seems cool at first glance but really you're really weird in a creepy way. A try hard. It's okay though. After a week of dating I knew it was never going to last. I could feel you slowly losing interest in me. I didn't give you sex when people or you suggested it. Is that why? You're Instagram is filled with a lot of girls. You're messages are filled with girls....anyway we are good now and I most definitely think we are better off as friends. But thankyou Kyle. If it wasn't for you and your driving, I would never had gone drifting before. Seriously though...you're a great driver. Thanks for driving me to the airport so I could get home. That really means a lot to me. 

I'm not a whore.