I don't know why i'm starting a diary to be quite honest. It's probably the best thing for me right now though, so many pros and cons, so many scenarios that i just can't work out.
When i envision my perfect relationship all i see is movie dates, laughing, kissing, wearing his hoodies and just feeling special you know, that kind of relationship. At least that's what i've always wanted although i'm not so sure anymore, all these thoughts and feelings and people just swimming right past me while i'm still learning to float. It's all so overwhelming.
There's this boy, Joseph Miles, not too popular and just the right amount of weird that i've been talking too recently. He's a nice boy with a bad reputation that seems to only want to talk about having the perfect relationship. I almost couldn't believe it when what was appearing on my screen was the exact image i've had for so many years on what my dream relationship looks like.
However there's this part of me that won't open up to him, that is so scared of the pain id have to go through again if he leaves me or if it doesn't work out. I know how stupid this all sounds and the other part of me just wants to kiss him all over and treat him like a king.
Kissing scares me too, i've never done it which is kind of frowned upon at my age in this society but it's not my fault all my relationships end before they get that far. Or maybe it is ? I don't really know, another thing about this society is that no one is ever quite honest anymore.
I've just come to a point where i'm truly confused about anything that i want in life, decision making is not my specialty. I know i can't keep doing this or i really will be alone forever. Every time he pops into my head i just want to be close to him and then after a while the feeling of pain takes over and the idea of a relationship makes me feel sick. Am i the only one who feels like this ? I'm not sure it's commitment issues because i know that if i had a man i'd be so committed and in the relationship. It's just the getting to that point i can't seem to get past.
Here's to hoping a magic fairy pops into my life with a list of answers to all my problems
~ Melody Oswin
YOU ARE READING
Sunshine and Butterflies
RomanceI've always wanted that picture perfect relationship, always dreamed of how happy id be but i've been walked over so many times i'm not sure i can see the difference between a lie and happiness anymore.
