i'm tired of hurting and i don't want to care. i know that you hurt me & believe me i know it's not fair. but i know what i could've done to keep you. i know the words i could've said or the things i could've done. but i think this is where i've got to learn that God is handling things. I think that was him telling me that you were essential to my growth, but you weren't meant to stay forever. I prayed for years to be in the position i am now. i prayed to forgive myself and to love me the way you never did. i prayed to get over you and im so thankful the days got easier. the nights sure were longer for what felt like forever. I remember finding you in simple things and i don't know if that'll ever go away. maybe it's just a sign that i still have love for you. maybe it's a sign that we were meant to love each other but not be together. for a long time i hated that red truck. i hated seeing puppies that we had once talked about getting. i even saw a ring just like the one you put on my finger and promised me to be together. but i'm growing into what i would've never thought i could be. i'm sorry you couldn't see how incredible i am or just how big my heart is. i don't think you'll understand just how much love i have to give. this is the healing. this is me learning how to love you from afar. this is me choosing to see the brighter side of things & remembering only the good. know that i've gone through a lot this includes losing my very best friend to someone you barely knew. but i lost you and found myself, isn't that incredible? i hope you read this, because you'll know it's about you. and if you are im here to tell you this, you were important to me, ill give you that. & you taught me just how valuable love is. i am forever grateful for such a beautiful soul. but please note this as well, as lost as i was for months, i am found now. know that i will never make the mistake of loving someone like you again. my advice to you? love yourself first. you need it. but this is my time. this time, i'm putting myself first; i deserve it. God brought me through deep waters and renewed my faith, and i am thankful to no end. The same man also brought me you, the heartbreak, and now the healing. I am undeniably blessed.
