Blurryface ➻ Joshler

: 9. The Right State of Mind :

Authors Note:
So I've taken some time off.
Got a job, steady relationship, and now I'm probably ready to ruin myself with this book. Again.
Be kind, I'm rusty.

This chapter is dedicated to Cameron Boyce 1999-2019

Don't be sad that its over, just be happy it ever happened -MR

:)

Joshua's knees ache from their bent position against the wood flooring, but he stays there for Tyler. His hands tremor lightly but he ignores it for him. Because it's all for him. He's scared, but he wouldn't show it. Even after Tom is pulled to the side, Jenna at his aid instantly with her gentle hand hovering over his bleeding eyes, she restored them whole with a glowing neon green light.

Tyler's still sat on the floor, however. His lips quiver, uttering vicious words but not a single whisper could be heard. His hands are tar black at his sides, so Joshua tries his hardest not to touch him. The man looks up to Evan with furrowed eyebrows, unsure about what to do next.

Suddenly, Tyler's chest expands as he takes a large shuttering breath. His hands shaking lightly and nearly tumbling backward if it weren't for Joshua's guiding hand. Tyler places a hand to his forehead, eyes hazy as they tried to adjust back to his form of normal. He looks over to Tom almost immediately.

"I told you to let go." He warns. Joshua furrows his brows again with confusion seeing Tyler's demeanor change at the drop of a dime. "How much did you see?"

Tom doesn't answer. He straightens himself, relying on his own weight instead of Jenna. His head is spinning out of control. Tom places a hand to his head, squinting his eyes painfully.

Jenna looks up to Tyler, then Josh. "I'll take him to his room. I'll get you when he's ready. This probably drained him a lot."

"Or he did." Tyler folded his arms, eyes clouding over in thought. Josh looked up to him, catching his words.
Their fingers intertwined as they watched Tom get escorted out of the room like a drunk man in a bar.

Tyler slowly parted from the other, heading towards the kitchen. "I need a drink." He muttered, his fingers rubbing at the soreness in his eyes.

•×•

"Is Tom okay?"

The voice took Joshua by surprise. He looked up from the book he was carelessly flipping through. He wasn't too fond of Grimoires but he figured it'd most likely help understand his boyfriend better than he could. Finn stood at the door, his hands nervously stuffed in his pockets. It's funny, really. How teenagers and small children seem to be more comfortable with Josh than Tyler. He could see the reason why, but Josh being well— Josh was surprised that they would even give him the time of day.

"Yeah, uh he's doing okay. Tyler's talking with him in his room actually." He replies, swallowing the rest of his water bottle. He studies Finn as he anxiously shuffles at the door. Josh leans more into the sofa in the library and lays his hand on the back of it, offering it to the teenager. Finn closed the door behind him. There was something obviously bothering him. "Something bothering you?" Josh asks, brows furrowed with concern.

Finn adjusts himself in his seat, eyes focused in his hands. "I can help." Josh tilts his head, not understanding.

"I know what's going on. With Dylan, with Tyler. Everything." Josh's eyes slowly widen, awestruck at the teenager.

Finn's black irises shift from studying his hands to studying Josh. "I can help." He repeats. "I don't want to sit on the sidelines when I can probably be a valuable aspect. And I know you guys have no idea what to do."

"We're thinking of something." Joshua weakly defends.

"You're sitting on your heads, all of you. Because let's face it, this is way out of your comfort zone. You don't know anything about what's actually going on here." Finn gestures to the book for example.

Joshua rolled his eyes, scoffing. "And you do?" He tests.

Finn nodded his head. He grasped the book and placed it on his lap. Hand hovering over the thick book, it flew open on his lap and began flipping pages rapidly. Joshua watched with interested eyes as is slowly came to a stop.

"My mom was a fanatic for anything supernatural." He mumbled, finger brushing against the old text. A small smile slowly graced his features. "T's how she met my dad."

"You don't talk about them," Josh said, studying Finn as the boy read the book easily. Josh wasn't exactly a pro at Latin.

"I try not to." He replies.

Josh gently pulls the book away from him, sensing something deep behind his words. "You know you can talk to me, right? I'm here if you need anything." The boy nodded his head, a hand carding through the curls on his head.

"What about you?" Finn asked suddenly as Josh stood up to bookmark the book and put it back on the shelf. The curly haired man turned to glance at the other. "What's your story?"

Josh frowned slightly, shaking his head. He sighed deeply before turning back to the other. "I started noticing it when I was 12. I had an obsession with fire and everything with it. I could touch fires and it was the best feeling ever. It's the ability that I learned to control first." His hand lit up, an orange flame danced on the palm of his hand. "But the peace... it didn't last long. I could hide the fire from my family, sure. But it really started to get serious during high school summer break. My brother and I were playing in the pool and things lead to another–" Josh started at his hands, his mind relaying the memory.

"You killed him, didn't you?"

Josh looked up at Finn silently, his answer is wordlessly clear. Josh's eyes swelled with tears threatening to fall. "The police report said he drowned but, I knew." He exhaled shakily. "I didn't mean to do it, we were just fuckin' around." He turned his face away from the younger. Too ashamed to look at anyone.

"It's not your fault."

"It is." Josh quipped "It is." He subsided the pain with a lifeless chuckle. "S'why I don't like water."

Finn studied Josh. Deciding against reading his mind and instead, sticking to his own. "Sometimes your biggest fear is yourself." He says hesitantly.
"Look, things happen. Somethings were not proud of, sure. But it happened. And we can't stop that, we can't rewind that, we can only just live on. And that's what you have to do, Josh. I know it hurts. I know. But sooner or later we're going to need you too." Josh watches the other as he speaks. "Because you're just as important as the rest of us, but don't let your past keep you from living your future."

"Thank you, Finn," Josh replies, his eyes are lighter than before.

He smiles, a hand extending out in a fist to the man as they fist-bumped. "We're a family, that's what we do."