For our baby (GirlxGirl)

chapter 1: missing you

Oh boy, life is a struggle! Why can't I just sleep forever and don't wake up? life is so expensive and I'm not even enjoying it! But let's just forget about that right now, I have to go to the doctor to see how my baby is, I'm in my third month so I'll hopefully be able to know if it's a boy or a girl I'm having.

Where is the father you may ask, well my baby doesn't have one, lucky right? But for real, her other mother (as it is in the papers and in my heart too) doesn't even know that I'm pregnant, we were informed that the operation had failed and we fought a lot about my health, she couldn't carry our child, her body can't have babies. but I badly wanted a baby to the point that I pushed her away, it blinded me and made me demand a divorce from her.

She tried to change my mind, she kept refusing and avoiding the subject. It was working until she got drunk and didn't come home that night, six months ago. That was it for the both of us, we were broke up anyway so I wouldn't blame her even if she was with another woman that night, I'm sure she didn't cheat, but I was so angry with the result that I used it against her.

Going through the divorce was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life, Sunny, my ex-wife was my everything, she is my everything. she helped me get through a lot and I was nothing but an angry ungrateful wife to her. She gave me a home to live in, gave me care, gave me love, oh god Love. She loved me with all her heart, always made sure that I'm happy, but I was getting older and I wanted a baby so.......

"Jessica! Move your ass you have an appointment with Dr Tori" so... That's my sister, Krystal. She is so annoying but she has the bigger heart out of the both of us. She almost bit my head off when she learned about the divorce, Sunny is her best friend and she had to see us both break down and hurt, she stayed strong for the both of us. How I wish I hadn't done...

"JESSICA!!" oh no she's getting mad! I hurriedly put on my shoes got my bag and ran out to the living room to my red-faced little sister, "You really shouldn't be running with Sunny's baby in your belly, if she was here she would carry you to the hospital. She was a great wife." she murmured the last part but I still heard it.

"Can you shut up, I told you to not bring that up again." I'm hurt too, and I regret everything that I did, but she just couldn't stop reminding me of how fucked up I've been without Sunny for the last five month, "please let's go to the doctor, okay"

She kept staring at me for a minute before shaking her head at me "you should tell her about the pregnancy, Jessica! This isn't fair she has been nothing but nice and sweet to you even after you broke her heart!" she let it out with a very low voice as if it was taking her all to not yell it at me.

"I know Krystal I know! But she also left the city and she'll never be back! How am I supposed to tell her?" yeah use that dumb excuse, Jessica. I can feel Krystal's stare trying to understand what was happening in my head but I looked away when I felt her getting upset again, it's the same look she gave me when Sunny left the house for the last time in a while.

I know she will never drop the topic though, it's been on for two months since the day I found out I was actually pregnant and in my fifth week. I know Krystal will keep yelling at me to inform Sunny but I was so scared of her reaction.

I deserved it though I was forcing her to hide my pregnancy from her best friend, "I know that I'm stupid and that I hurt the only person who has ever loved me and I lost her for good now, how would she think of me?" tears were threating to fall from my eyes, I let my love go because of a stupid mistake, I miss her so much but I can't say anything, it was my mistake and I have to deal with the outcomes alone.

"She still loves you, Jessica, why are you so scared to tell her? Heck, she would cross the seven oceans to see your belly grow with her baby inside, why are you taking that from her? You're just hurting her and yourself keeping it a secret, it's really silly! it's better if you tell her before she finds out in another way." Krystal said talking with her hands frustrated.