Gonna Be the Death of Me (adopted by Brendon Urie)

//forty two - broken like me//

Song of the Chapter- broken, lovelytheband

"Hey Eva," the doctor said as Eva entered the office, lined with bookshelves and encyclopedias. It was a small room with a large desk littered with folders and papers. There was a window letting sunlight into the room, showing the tall buildings that lined the streets. "Hi Dr. Miranda," she said quietly, sitting down and immediately twiddling with her fingers as a distraction. Tyler was sitting outside with Brendon, both of them knowing that after this, Eva would most likely need all of the support she could get. "How have you been since you called?" he asked, taking the glasses off the bridge of his nose and placing them on his head.

"Numb, empty, or feeling too much all at once." Eva's head hung low as she spoke, the words hardly clawing themselves from her throat. "I still want to die" she whispered, finally admitting what she couldn't to anyone else, especially the boys in that waiting room. Dr. Miranda's face fell slightly a she tried to collect his thoughts.

"Have you been eating? Sleeping? Using positive coping skills?" He looked almost desperate to hear her replies, hoping they'd be good. All Eva could do was bite her lip.

"I can't eat anymore, it takes so much effort. Sleep never comes to me, I could barely sleep even with Theo with me. And I haven't relapsed, but I want to. I need to." She noted how sad his eyes got as she spoke, dulling with each word. The familiar feeling of guilt rose in her stomach, making her nauseous and dizzy.

"Do you want to do more medication? I know you hate it, but maybe it'll help to raise the dosage and add some prescriptions to help you." Eva shook her head violently. Medications terrified her, and she hated taking the one she already had. "Eva, I think you might need to go into an inpatient then." That's when her world collapsed. Tears formed in the backs of her eyes and her hands shook violently. Her chest was heaving and she felt like she was dying. "I-I need to s-s-step out" she choked out as she practically ran from the room, through the waiting room where she saw Brendon and Tyler look up at her, and into the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it. She didn't need a hospital. She wasn't crazy.

Someone knocked on the door, soon followed by muffled questions. But Eva couldn't hear them, everything just sounded fuzzy.

From outside of the door, Dr. Miranda was knocking, trying to lure her out. Brendon and Tyler came over not much later, asking question after question. "I recommended an inpatient program. She didn't want new medications and her weight and sleep is dangerous. But she can't handle that idea." Brendon froze, letting all of the pieces fit together in his head. "I'm calling Tony," he said quietly, excusing himself from the room as he told Tony and Vic to get there as soon as possible. Tyler stayed by the door trying to get her out.

Tony and Vic sprinted in not even 10 minutes later. "Where is she?" Tony asked slightly out of breath. Brendon pointed to the bathroom and led both of them there. Tony went up to the door and placed his hand on it, torn apart just by knowing that she was hurting so bad. "Eva? It's Tony. Can you let me in? You don't have to come out, just let me inside. Please."

Eva sat on the floor of the small bathroom, feeling like the entire world was closing in on her. The knocks and pleas all melded into one annoying buzz of sound that was driving her mad. But then one voice came through.

She crawled over to the door and leaned against it, placing her hand on it knowing that Tony was just out of reach. Her face was still stained with tears and her breathing was more and more galloped as the seconds passed. "Tone?" she whispered, the word cracking in her throat. "Yea, it's me sweetie. Please, unlock the door."

"I can't Tone. I'm not crazy." From the outside, Vic, Brendon, Tyler, and Dr. Miranda all felt an overwhelming wave a despair wash over them as this young girl felt like everything she knew was against her. "I know you're not, we all know you're not, just let me in." Eva thought about it for a second before lifting her trembling hand up to the lock and undoing it. Tony walked in instantly before closing the door behind him and scooping her up from the floor. He checked her arms and held her face in his hands, staring into her eyes. "What if I'm crazy?" she whimpered.

"No baby, you're not, okay? You just need help. Help that we can't give you. But they can. They can help you feel better and get healthier so that you can live a long and happy life okay? You're not crazy, but you need something to help you. And that is okay." Tony felt a tear roll down his cheek as he stared into Eva's eyes, seeing her at rock bottom. He loved her like a sister, like she was his own family. He didn't want to send her away from all of them, but she needed this. She needed to get better for herself.

"I love you Tony," she whispered before breaking out into more tears and hugging him tightly. He hugged her back just a tight, whispering comforting things in her ear as she calmed down. 30 minutes later, they left the room, finding everyone in the waiting room. "I'll go," she said quietly, looking directly at Dr. Miranda. He nodded and went to get information and paper work. Vic came up and hugged Eva, latching onto her like she was about to fall apart; he wasn't really wrong. Tyler hugged her next, telling her there was nothing wrong with going away for awhile. Brendon was last.

No words were shared, just tears. Lots of tears as they held each other for what could have been hours. It was clear to everyone in that room just how much they really needed each other. "We're gonna be okay darling," Brendon finally whispered, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear and smiling lightly. Eva smiled and kissed his cheek before getting all of the information from the doctor. She left in two weeks.

a/n- happy thanksgiving if you celebrate, love you guys. Stay alive |-/