Lost

Escaping an Old Life

I couldn't stay there any longer. That house was just a reminder of what I had lost. Those walls were painted with memories of my life before mum died. My mother wasn't the only person I had lost within those walls. My father was never the same after her death. He hated me and took out his anger out on me. So I figured it was time to go. 

So I woke up at 4:30, one morning, my alarm playing music softly next to my bed. I opened my eyes and groggily put my glasses on. I clicked off my alarm after I kicked off my sheets off my cold body. I got changed and packed a few of my belongings into my bag. I didn't need much, just clothes and my precious art supplies. I couldn't leave my sketchbook behind. It was a gift from my mother when I was seven and I had been drawing ever since. I remembered my mother too well, some days I wish I hadn't been as close to her as I had been. I wish she hated me. It would make leaving so much easier. My mum made my father so happy, she was his anchor and kept him afloat.

I pushed the thoughts from my mind as I swung my bag silently onto my back and slipped my sneakers on before descending down the stairs as quietly as I could. I couldn't bear to think of what my father would do to me if I got caught. I crept into the kitchen and raided the cupboard and fridge for anything that would last me. I unlocked the front door wincing at the click of the front door, my hand started shaking as I turned the door handle. 

Did I really want to do this?

I wasn't just leaving my father, I was leaving my mother behind as well. The only one who held the key to my heart, now it was chained up, for no one to ever open it again. I stepped outside and pulled the door silently behind me. I pulled out my headphones and plugged it into my phone. I felt a sudden urge to run. I don't know why but my walk slowly turned into a run and then I found myself sprinting down the street, my sneakers slapping against the gravel and kicking up stones. My bag bouncing up and down against my back. The wind rustling my hair around. Adrenaline ran through me like wildfire. My legs throbbed and my throat was dry. It felt good like I had some grip of control over my life for once, and for the first time in forever, I was the reason for my pain. I was putting myself through it. It was my choice. The sun came up chasing away the cold air and..... 

I was free.

It was the best free moment I have ever experienced.

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