Everything We Had (Ryden fan fic)

Chapter 1

The sun was setting, and Ryan finally decided that this was not what Brendon would have wanted him to be doing.  There were so many people over by his house, doing drugs, drinking, but none of that really mattered to Ryan.

He knew that he shouldn't be doing this.

"Hey, Ryan, you ok?" Z came up to him, obviously drunk.  She smelt strongly of alcohol and cigarettes, and a hint of something else.  Weed, probably.

"Umm.. Yeah I'm fine." He didn't look her way. He didn't want to.

"Alright then, baby." Z grinned at him and then walked off, probably to go find more ways to get attention.  Z always wanted the attention.

Ryan didn't want these people at his house, messing everything up.  Z insisted on having everyone over, saying it would be fun.  She knew that he was upset, but she had no idea why.

Ryan walked into his bedroom, which used to be shared with another person, a person that he knew he belonged with.  He bent down and got out a box from the bottom of  his bed, and pulled out a note.  His eyes were tearing up because he knew that he messed it up, he knew that he couldn't take back what happened between them.

After some time, Ryan put all the stuff back into the box and hid it back beneath his bed.  He went out of his room to find that most of the "guests" were gone.  Was he really gone for that long?  He found Z smoking in the kitchen, talking to other men.  Sometimes Ryan didn't know why he even stayed with her if she just went around, flirting with other men.  Maybe it's just the fact that he didn't want to be lonely, but even with her, it still wasn't enough because it wasn't him.

Ryan eventually just decided to go to bed, not wanting to be around people anymore.  He was trying, he really was, he just couldn't do it, not yet.  He climbed into bed, knowing that he didn't do anything terrible that not, and smiled a little: the first time he's actually smiled since Brendon left.

Ryan couldn't even think his name without choking up.  Brendon gave him the best memories he's ever had, and sometimes, he still couldn't believe that he was there.  He wakes up every morning and he's never there, just Z.  

Each day Ryan was tempted to say something to Brendon; text him, call him, anything.  He always had something planned in his mind that he would say.  So many papers would be scattered around his bedroom floor, words that he wanted to say but couldn't, but he would eventually clean them up before Z found them.  Z could never know what happened between them.

At some point, Ryan finally fell asleep, but being woken up a few hours later to a text.  He didn't feel like checking it, then again, he never wanted to check anything anymore.  He already pushed away everyone that was close to him.  He eventually got up after so much decision making, a little surprised though because people eventually just stopped talking to Ryan.  He grabbed his phone and read the text, freezing up inside of him:

"Hi.." The text was from Brendon.

Him.  He was the one who tried talking to him.

Ryan starred at the screen for at least 5 minutes, trying hard not to cry.  After everything they went though, Brendon was the one talking to HIM.

"Hey.." he replied back, hoping Brendon would still talk to him.

It seemed like forever, but Brendon eventually replied, "How's everything?"

Ryan wanted to say so much to him like, "I miss you so fucking much." or, "there is really no life without you" but he couldn't say anything to that content, because he knew Brendon moved on.

"Fine I guess..you?" Ryan's hands were shaking, and he couldn't do anything to control how he felt.

"Good.." Ryan saddened a little with Brendon's one word response.  

"Can we talk in person?" Was sent to him a few moments later.

Ryan froze.  Talking to Brendon by texting was already hard enough, but talking to him in person? 

It took some time, but Ryan found the courage to say, "Sure."

Brendon told him to meet him at Grand Hope Park in 10 minutes.  Ryan figured it was best not to tell Z where he was going.  After all, she disappeared on him every fucking night.

Ryan snuck out the back door and got into his car.  It took him at least 10 minutes to decide whether or not he should go, but he eventually started his car and drove to the park.   Ryan's hands could not stop shaking, and he felt like he was going to throw up.  He saw Brendon's car and the nerves got even worse then before.

Ryan saw Brendon waiting outside and he stepped outside of his car.  He walked over to him and cleared his throat a little.

"Umm..hi." Ryan said nervously.  He wondered if Brendon could tell that he was shaking.

Brendon turned to face him, "I didn't think you were going to show up."

Ryan looked him over.  Brendon always looked good, except Ryan could tell that his hair was thinning.  Brendon, nother the less, still looked fucking amazing, as usual.  He was weaning just a white t shirt and a black leather jacket and some black skinny jeans.  Brendon never dressed as fashionable as Ryan did, but somehow he always looked good.

"Of course I'd come.." Ryan still couldn't believe this was happening.

Ryan knew that Brendon was in a new relationship, with some girl named Sarah.  Of course he was in a "relationship" with Z, but they never really did anything together as a couple.

There was a long pause until finally Brendon said something, "I'm not really sure what the right thing to say to you is, but I hope that you finally learned from what happened."

Ryan could spot out the anger that was boiling beneath Brendon's skin.  He knew what he wanted to say, but he just couldn't.  He never could.

"Yeah.." Ryan replied with, hoping that Brendon wouldn't find out that he just had a huge party at his house with drugs scattering almost every inch of his floor and stinking up his once clean house.

 "No, I really don't think you do Ryan." Brendon almost yelled the words at him.

Ryan winced a little.  He didn't want to come here just to get yelled at by Brendon again.  He already beat himself up about this everyday.

"Bren.."

Ryan knew that Brendon was upset, and could't probably ever forgive him, he didn't expect him too.  He just wanted to tell him that he was sorry, and what he did was wrong, and that he could never forgive himself for what he did to him.

"I don't really want to hear your excuse, Ryan. You knew what you were doing was wrong, you just never chose to let me help you, or let anyone help you in fact.  Do you have even the slightest idea how worried everyone was for you?" Brendon didn't look at Ryan.

Ryan knew Brendon was close to tears, he could hear it in his voice.  Ryan always knew what kind of mood Brendon was in based on the sound of his voice.  He hurt Brendon again just by being here, and he couldn't forgive himself for that either.

 "And then you went ahead and went with 'her.'" Brendon basically spat at him.

Ryan's stomach fell completely when Brendon said that.  He knew exactly what he was talking about, and it was by far the biggest mistake he has ever made.  There were no words he could tell Brendon how sorry he was.

"I-I'm sorry.." Was all Ryan could say.  If he said anymore the tears might come down.

Brendon just shook his head, not facing Ryan.

"What we had was fucking amazing.  I just don't see he you couldn't have seen that."

Ryan sniffled real softly, and thought about everything that they had, all of the memories.  And for the first time in a year, Ryan started to smile a little.

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Note: So I've been working on this story for FOREVER, and I finally got around to finishing it!  So yeah, I'm not sure when the second chapter will be posted, because I am also writing my other fan fic called A Rebel Love Story!:) Thanks guys, and I'll try to update this story as much as possible!<3