messages i'll never send

those rare times you actually felt something for me

i was reading and i got a vivid flashback to the times you were sweet enough to kiss me on the hand and cheek.

i find it admirable that in those moments you just appreciated me so much that you wanted to kiss me, just to show affection, not for lust or any other motive.

the first time you kissed the back of my hand was when one time we were at my house, watching psych, hands intertwined on the couch. you just looked over at me to get my attention, then lifted our hands to your face and kissed my hand. then you returned our hands back to their resting place and you gently circled your thumb over the spot you had just kissed me. that moment was one of the ones that made me feel so truly cared for.

the second time you kissed my hand was at my prom. we were walking to catch up with my friends and i didn't wanna lose you, so i held out my hand and you didn't notice at first. i said "hey" and you looked over and took my hand, and dropped down to a kneel and kissed it before standing back up and walking with me. i think that's still one of the cutest things you ever did, honestly.

you kissed my cheek on another at-home, watching psych date. chilling on the couch, practically on top of each other, and you sat up and gently cupped my face and laid the softest, most gentle kiss on my cheek. you were always gentle with me but this was especially careful, like i would shatter if you pressed too hard.

it's little details like this that i wish i could forget because it makes me miss you. but i know that you taught me how i could be and should be treated: gently and affectionately, with care and respect.