I have written and re-written these words a thousands times. No matter how many times I take apart these words to create a new, I cannot fathom the right thoughts to describe how I feel. I have wasted countless hours on intoxicating self-pity, just in the hopes that I may find myself. This constant lingering feeling of absence is poison to my brain. And I shall lay here dying, sinking deeper in an ocean of self-destructive pity.
The constant nights of drinking and smoking has me in a fog. Is it better this way? Not being able to feel anyhing but a vast emptiness? I need something to numb the pain. But it's exhausting, going through day by day searching for the next high.
