The Pact

Rin

We hope that this will help. That at least you won't wonder why after all this, cause this letter is our story. Our reasons why. Why we left you. Why we feel we need to take such drastic actions. Maybe it will help you understand us better. Maybe it will bring you closure. Whatever it does we hope it helps you.

We love you,

The Pact







I pulled the short straw and got elected to go first. Well, actually everyone elected that either Jaime or I go first, since we kinda started this whole thing, and Jaime insisted I go first. (Meany) So here I am going first. I'm gonna introduce myself cause some of you people don't know me. I'm Rin. I go to Ponten Creek High School and live in Ponten Creek, Oklahoma. Really all you need to know about Ponten Creek is that it's a small country town, with a lot of rednecks. I'm sure you'll learn all kinda of random facts at me in our story sooooo I think I'll just state my age and tell you what Jaime looks like and make him do me to get back at him for making me go first, ( also cause I don't want to describe how I look cause I look waaaaaay lame) and then story telling time. I'm 16, and a Junior in high school.

Now to describe Jaime. Jaime is kind of the guy version of me, only waaaaaaay hotter. (Don't tell him I said that he will never let me live it down if he finds out I said that!) He's got these round dark brown eyes that are framed by jet black lashes, and arched brows. Almost feminine cheekbones. Full pink lips. Messy, curly, black hair, that he keeps ear length. (It's sooooo soft!) He's pretty tall, like 6 ft, and his skin is golden brown from hanging out outside a lot. (I think he hangs outside so his mom won't worry about him. What could be wrong when you're out of the house a lot and got a great tan?) And so that's what Jaime looks like.

Ok now I will finally stop procrastinating and get straight to the story telling. It all started on the field trip for all the top students. (Their way of rewarding us for being obedient and getting good grades I guess.) We were going to a science museum. I was pretty excited cause I was dying to see the new space exhibit. (Yes, I'm a nerd, and proud of it!) Also there was a math test that day and I was getting out of it, so that's pretty cool.(yep I'm a nerd who hates math. I'm a rebel in that way I guess)

It was one of the few times Jaime and I got to really hang out, since it's kinda hard to hang out while doing the whole school thing, and dealing with other peeps. Also my parents didn't allow me to have friends over. Especially guys. We sat together at the back of the end of the alphabet bus. (They organized us by last name) Most everyone else sat up in the front. They acted like it was a party bus, or something. They blared pop songs, and sang along at the top of their lungs while tossing a balloon around. And I'm pretty sure the water bottle a few girls passed around was full of something different than water.

Jaime was not a happy camper. He was in one of his moods. He has times where he'll get all doom and gloomy. I don't like those times. They're kinda depressing. I left him alone for a little bit. I knew to give a him a little bit before trying to get him to talk. Also I needed a moment to prepare myself for the emotional roller coaster he was bound to take me on. While I waited, I amused myself with singing along to random pop songs like the rest of the people on the bus. After three songs I kinda done with pop songs and felt I had given Jaime enough alone time to
tell me all his woes without deciding he hates me and shutting me out again.

"Yo. Tell me what's making ya so doom and gloomy. You're being even more emo than my emo phase in middle school. And I was pretty emo." Jaime laughs a little. I try not to grin so much that it's obvious how pleased I am, but I can't help it. Laughing is a really good sign. "Your emo phase was awful. Emo does not fit you." I rolled my eyes at him but on the inside I was sighing with relief. Trying to act normal is a good sign with Jaime. It typically means it won't be hard to cheer him up. "So tell me what's bothering my best friend. I imagine you'd be an expert on the matter. Ya know being him and all." Jaime doesn't respond. Instead he kind of retreats back into himself. He stares blankly at the seat in front of him. That was not good. That's the it's gonna take at least a day to pull him out of his dark rain cloud zone. I decide to let him tell me in his own time. Instead of pushing him I grab his hand and lace my fingers through it. I give it a gentle squeeze and him a sad smile that I really hope looked supportive and strong, rather than how I was really feeling. Helpless.

I had an idea of why he was so sad. Well outside of depression. All of us writing this story have depression. Poor guy had dealt with a rough time the year before, and still couldn't get over it. A year ago he had it all, or at least all he ever wanted. He had a best friend that he had known since he was little. Those two worked together so well. It seemed as though nothing could come between them. He also had a super amazing boyfriend. His relationship with his boyfriend was goals. They were annoyingly cute together. Like one time he asked Marti (his boyfriend) to homecoming by making him a cupcake that said "Homecoming?". Obviously he said yes. Jaime, Marti and Zei (his best friend) were inseparable. I called them the Triforce, cause there was three of them and their friendship was powerful. Jaime was really happy back then. Then tragedy happened and ruined all of it. Marti killed herself. It was sudden. She was debating with Jaime about how good Sword Art Online really was one day, and found dead on the ground the next. Jaime took it hard. He didn't understand. Marti had seemed fine. She had bad days but they never seemed to out number her good days. Why would she decide to go and pop a bunch of pills and kiss living good-bye. She didn't even leave a note. Jaime always blamed himself. He felt like if he had just been a better boyfriend she would still be alive. To make things worse after Marti died Zei kinda ditched him. Something about it being too much for him, and with that Jaime had lost the two people that kinda made up his whole world.

I glance back over at Jaime. His bottom lip was trembling. Not good. Not good. Not good. Jaime never cries in front of people. NEVER! The closest he's come to crying in front of other people is the time he admitted he was crying when he was texting me. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. What do you do when your best friend starts crying out of the blue on a bus on the way to the science museum? Start rambling about the science of tears? Nothing? Jump out the window and hope the bus runs you over? I did none of those. (Even though I really considered that last one) Instead I hugged him. I played with his hair while he cried and tried to ignore the fact that he got snot on my hoodie. (I also begged my hair not to get in the line of snot. Snotty hair is not fun.) I decided I hated it when he cried. I could feel his pain ripping through me. It made me want to cry too, but I forced myself not to. I needed to be strong. For him. I couldn't let him feel like he was making me hurt to. Otherwise he would shut down on me again, thinking crazy things like that he's protecting me that way.

After a little bit his tears died down a little. Or at least enough to where he could talk. "I wanna die, Rin. I wanna be with Marti" Those words dunked me into ice cold water. I couldn't breath. Everything was dark and cold. I couldn't lose Jaime. I wouldn't let it happen. He was my rock. I started sobbing. I couldn't help it. Just the thought of losing Jaime was sending me into a panic attack. I turned away from him. I didn't want him to see me. He didn't know about the panic attacks and I didn't want him to find out by watching me have one. My hands got all numb and cold. My breathing was coming out all ragged. I needed to stop this before it escalated to where I wouldn't be able to hide it. I pulled up my finger and bit it. Hard. The pain calmed me enough to slow my breathing and tell myself that I could fix things. It helped even though I didn't actually believe it.

I turned back to Jaime, and instantly felt guilty. He looked so rejected. Like by turning away from him I had pronounced him unworthy of my company. Like I finally decided he was a stupid pathetic freak. I reached over and gently wiped the tears from his face, letting him know I still cared. That I didn't think he was pathetic. Not even a little bit. I pressed my forehead against his, and murmured, "No. Please no. Jaime. I know it hurts, but please. Please. Please! Don't. I can't lose you. If you die, I will follow after you." I meant it. Without Jaime I would just float around, lost. He kept me grounded. He kept me safe. I couldn't lose him. "I gotta be with her Ri, I gotta." I bit my lip, and scanned his face. His eyes were welling up with tears again, but he looked determined. I knew he meant it. When Jaime makes up his mind about something, he makes sure it happens. He doesn't let anything stand in his way. As I was thinking of what to say the bus stopped. I made up my mind. I knew this choice would be the biggest one I'd ever make. It wasn't a hard choice to make. Jaime was my whole world. "Then take me with you." Jaime got up. For a second I worried he hadn't heard me, or that he didn't believe me. "I mean it Jaime. I can be even more stubborn than you when I want to. I'm not backing down." Jaime stood there for another minute. I couldn't tell if he was letting people in front of him go, or thinking about what I said. Then he looked down at me. "Week from today. Talk about it later." I nodded, relieved that he heard me. And with that he turned away and started making his way off the bus.

A/N Well that's the first chapter. I really hope you guys enjoyed that...........sorry for any mistakes I might have made. If you inform me of them I will do my best to edit them. If you are struggling with any of the topics in this story.......or really anything at all don't be afraid to talk to me. I'm a fairly good listener. You don't have to be alone.........also chances are you aren't. Don't push the people around you away either. I'm sure they would love to help. Love you guys!!!