DNA

1

It's been a year since you're gone, a year since you've left me, a year since you've left me on the cold hard wooden floor with tears running down my eyes, a year without you and I hate to admit it but I've missed you and you don't care.

You're probably thinking that I should let you go by now but I how could I if you were the only person that could make me happy, that could make me calm down when I would have a panic attack, that could make me forget everything just by looking in your soft light blue eyes and now, now?

Now I'm all alone, on the floor of my bathroom, tears running down my face and I'm looking at my heart all over the floor and wondering how I'm going to pick up the pieces and now all I'm wishing is that you could be back but I would just be lying to myself, thinking of what I did wrong but why, why did you leave me?

We were so in love, I guess 3years meant nothing to you.

I remember when we would stay up at 3am talking on the phone and we would laugh so hard until our stomachs ached. I remember when we would video chat and you would eventually get really tired so you would sleep while you were still on the call, and you're quiet cute snore would make me smile for how lucky I was to have you.

I knew you had to leave, I knew it from the moment I met you, from the moment when our eyes met, but I prayed to God that you wouldn't, because 2 years later we were up till 3am laughing so hard until our stomachs ached, and we were both dead tired but it was worth losing sleep for and in that moment I thought you would turn out different from everyone else and stay.

Losing you was one of the things I would fear the most, and I guess when you left me, my worst nightmare came alive, it was never supposed to end like this and for the first time in my whole life I wanted to run after you, I wanted to stop you, I wanted to grab you, look in your soft light blue eyes and tell you how I've loved you for the longest time possible, I wanted to tell you how I can't imagine a life without you, I wanted to tell you how much you mattered to me, I wanted to tell you that I would do anything to make you stay, I wanted to tell you that if I lost you, I would lose everything, and how my world would be crashing down to little pieces, but I didn't and you still left and my world came crumbling down. I was never going to be able to make you stay.

And when you left, I would kiss another guy, a handsome guy, who has a deep soothing voice and his deep blue ocean eyes would make me forget for a few seconds, and he would give me a funny look at 3am, and he would kiss me
and I did,
and I'm back-
I'm back to reality, to the cold reality, I remembered kissing different guys who wouldn't stay, he would leave and never come back, but them leaving never hurt as much as it hurt when you left.

"Why did you leave me, wasn't I good enough?" I whispered to myself

"No, no I was good, wasn't I?" I whispered to myself again

"Whatever I'm sorry" I whispered to myself once again

I just wanna tell you one last thing before I drift off to sleep hoping not to have another nightmare about you, I hope the next girl you fall in love with is able to make you happy, that she will be your forever, but I can't thank you enough for being my first.

°thank you for deciding to read my book, just saying my book aint going to be as sad as this chapter, a few chapters will be but not every single one, I promise lovelies, and I don't even know why I'm telling you, ugh okay fuck thank you for deciding to read my book°