Crystal clear waves splashed on a pure white beach as I inhaled all the wonderful smells around me and gazed upon the gorgeous sunrise all in all today looked like it would be a great day. The sun was shining the birds were singing the wheeled monstrosity glistened in the sun as- Wait. What the FUCK is that.
"Hah just my luck a 20 foot tank charging down the beach" I mumbled to myself. "Well now, hate to go SO SOON but I've got places to be people to see, you know how it is" I yell to the tank as I dive into the sea.
Um you know those 'crystal waves' I mentioned earlier? Yeah they're not as pretty when they're burning your eyes and nose and nowhere near as clear. A puff of white smoke surrounds me dispersing into the waves. Sorry kids don't pollute keep the earth clean! We do only have one!
Anyway back to mah story of radical AWESOMENESS. So I'm swimmin' right peddlin' my wittle webbed feetsies minding my own GODDAMN BUSINESS AND THIS FUCKER DROPS A GODDAMN WHALE ON ME! A. WHALE! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THOSE SLABS OF LIVING BLUBBER WEIGH! LIKE AT LEAST 118 SHIT-TONS! I did the math and I was pissed.
Shit-ton: 264.2 gallons
Pounds in a gallon: 8 pounds
Average whale weight:
200,000-300,000 pounds
250,000÷8=31,250
31,250÷264.2=118.28160484
Alright bitch come at me! And get off me!
"You're big so fuckin' what I'll still pummel your ass into the ground... sea floor.... thing" fuck it I'm just gonna beat him up and stop monologing.
I throw the whale off of me sending him flying back into one of the sea lions the tank has poured into the ocean. I see how it is you come to my party uninvited and bring all of your uninvited asshole friends. Nice. I kick my feet with a little more urgency in an attempt to swim faster than the 20 or so sea lions and whale that are on my tail. Within seconds they were upon me closing in on their prey. The whale comes forth and starts to speak.
"Are you gonna come with us quietly or do we need to get physical?" He snarled.
"Woah, no homo." I said swimming back a bit.
"Do you have a plan or are you just stupid?" the whale asked.
"Maybe." I say as I kick the whale in the face.
It was awesome I was all like POW! and he was all OW! and then I made my valiant retreat.
YOU ARE READING
Toucan Play at That Game from The Gift and/or? Curse series
Teen FictionThere's 6 of us and we're fugitives. What did we do you ask? Oh you know the usual being made mostly. The sick quacks that created us realized all too late that they couldn't control what they'd created and tried to clip our wings. I'm talon you the...
