hiraeth | seulrene (COMPLETED)

seven

7|

Joohyun cried and her other half pitied and despised herself for being weak for a Girl, for Seulgi.

She always thinks about Seulgi even when she's drunk and making out with other people. Joohyun always thinks about Seulgi who's waiting for her to be home and she hates Seulgi for that.

She hated that she was fine doing trouble and sins but one day when she walked to the door of her and Seulgi's shared home, she heard a soft subbed. It made something to Joohyun's stoned heart.

It breaks her, and no one dares to break Joohyun's heart. She hated the fact that Seulgi was stupid for love and Joohyun was equally stupid for feeling terrible about every bad thing she did to Seulgi.

Joohyun loves to be in control. She is manipulative with people she plays with, it makes her feel like she's still in control of her life and their lives.

She always denies that she is in love, that what she's feeling all along is love.

She always tells herself that her heart doesn't beat for a Girl, for Seulgi.

Now she accepted that she is indeed feeling something for Seulgi but she will never live with that.

Acceptance and living with it are different.

Now that Joohyun finally broke the string that connects her with Seulgi, even if Joohyun is bleeding inside and wants to beat herself for being like that, for turning all the colors to black again, for not being home, for not being with Seulgi and for being someone Joohyun don't know what it's called, a crazy person maybe?

Seulgi is there willing to give love but Joohyun doesn't want love.

Joohyun smiled but not with happiness. She smiled with a smile that could kill thousands of hearts.

It is beautiful indeed but deadly just like what Seulgi said before, Joohyun's smile is the best thing Seulgi wanted to see for the rest of her life but Joohyun will never smile for Seulgi again.

Not now. Not forever.