Pour Me Out

  I got home and went straight to my room. at least I had a weekend to get myself together. I knew when my mother got home she would ask me questions; questions I would'nt like to answer. So I decided I would just tell her everything went okay at the party to avoid more drama.  

 

  That weekend I prepared myself for what was to come on Monday. I refuse let myself look anymore pathetic then I did at that party. I wished that I had just listened to my head and i wouldn't have gone to that party. I mean seriously I wasn't thinking straight, with my stalker crush in the way. Now though, I'm thinking straight.

When I walk through those school doors; I will walk with my head held high. I will not let anything they say get to me and will not ever even think about Aaron Salvist! That Aaron Salvist is not who I had came to grow a crush on. That kiss though... I felt something and thought he did too. But it was all just a lie; he said so himself. I am shattered, but will glue myself back together. Never again will I ever put myself in this position. I was burned, but I called it a lesson learned.

On Monday morning I did what I said I would I walked with my head held high ignoring all that was being said about me. It's sad to say that I'm use to it but it true as well.

   My classes seemed to be passing by very slow. And only paid attention to what I thought was important. Mostly I was just doodling at the sides of my papers.  I was drawing little swirling clouds and a cliché kindergarten sun at the edge of my English class notes before I was interrupted.

"Terri I heard your Friday went well. You know, it was really sad for you to even think Aaron would like you.'Ignore her Terri. Do not let her get to you.' I thought to myself looking away from the blonde that is sitting next to me. Her name is Darley and I've never spoken to her before. She doesn't usually sit next to me even. She Probably only did today because she felt the need to rub in I had in fact had an awful Friday, wanting my Monday to be awful as well. She seem like the type who likes to bring people down even lower than they were before.

"This morning I heard Aaron saying he was only with you for sexual reasons, but you didn't satisfy him enough." She laughed.

"That's not true! I've never did anything remotely sexual with him." I blushed feeling weird saying the word 'sexual'. But I was also angry. Furious that Aaron would dare say something like that. and that's where I went wrong I told myself not to think about Aaron and here I am doing exactly just that. and this girls stupid smirk was making me even more mad. I was screaming in my head my heart was pounding. I just needed to let everything out. and could'nt thats the thing. I have no one to turn to. I Could'nt turn to my mom because it would just stress her out and she doesn't need anymore stress. I have no friends or close family. I had nothing and this made me frustrated. I could feel my throat tighten up as I was trying to keep everything inside. My head was starting to hurt and the dry feeling you get in your eyes when your just about to cry became more intense. I looked away from Darley when I noticed the satisfied look she was giving me. I new just one tear would please her more and I could let that happen. There was thirty minutes still left for class so I couldn't just wait for the bell, So I raised my hand and with my throat still tight I asked to go to the restroom. I could feel all eyes on me when I stood up and walked out of the classroom. I kept my head down all the way to the the upstairs restroom. I was still on edge and I needed to let it out. Figuring no one would bother coming to this restroom because it's far I did just that I closed the door turned the light off and screamed. I Screamed  For all of thing that has happen in these passed years. The bullying, My Father's death, My broken heart. I realize when anything happens to me I just hold it in. It is not because I want to. I have no one to tell it too, So it stays bottled inside. My scream soon turned to sobs as my knees slammed to the floor. The sobs continued as I tried to think of what I had done for my life to turn out this way. I felt like a huge baby and very inconsiderate because I know that there are people in this world with way more worries then my own. They probably have it way worst then me and here I am complaining. But I couldn't help it. I rested my back against the walk and laid my head on my knees feeling tired from all the tears. Soon I fell asleep right in the disgusting restroom.

  I felt myself being lifted. I chose to ignore it because I thought it was just a part of my dream. In my dream I was in the cafeteria right after the Matt incident and Aaron had just called me naïve. Though in the dream I was being carried away from Matt like a saved princess. Now the scene had switch and Aaron and I are laying in field of flowers talking about whatever. Aaron leaned over me and  pushed my hair behind my ear and it felt so real. There was quiet 'I'm sorry' That escaped his lips. And my dream-self couldn't understand what he was sorry for they were having a great time. Aaron laid a sweet kiss on my cheek and had then dissappeared. The creaking of a door awoken me. I found myself in my room underneath the covers. 'How did I get here. I could have sworn I was in the very unsanitary restroom at school.' I check the robot clock on my wall to see that it was four-thirty, so school was out. I got out of bed and walked down stairs to check if my mom was home but there was no sign of her so she is most likely at work. 'Maybe the school called and she came and brought me home before going back to work.' It seemed to be the only good explanation as to why I was here. There was no one else that I know would bring me home. I didn't question further and just went back to my bed still feeling exhausted.

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and so another chapter has been written......

needs editing so if u notice mistakes pop me a message I'll surely appreciate it. love you 310 people who are reading this thank u for tagging along<3

to be completed....☺