When you think about it....how could you describe it ?
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Said its more like a prison , where im the treasurer , feeling more like a peasant .
From the outside its bars like pleasure & peace with extra black bars, unreadable as if Doused over with bleach
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Quiet unsettling . . . But Very. . .
Very . . . .
Very . . . . .
Interesting .
When i got inside i realized im not the one with the key , "but i'm the only one that can invest in a strong will-powered , me. "
.what is this Nonsense ?
.Who said that ?
But there were only Echoes. that didnt even seem true.
The bars from inside .....they didnt lie though , pleasure & peace but there was more to the contract than what i signed for .... something i didnt see yet i did it like a blind/mad selfish one .
.Consequences Will be bloody but they're not gone. .
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Agony , pain , regret and guilt . . . .But the strongest of them all .
Disgust
Utter Disgust
Self doubt , self loath all like cloud-fogs in my mind then what more ?
There's much more than a rhythmic motion i have to control . I have to accept that is im attending , how im invading my OWN Private Owns my modest's ascending , only to call out names and just feel like a whore. I could be doing much more , in this precious time i was given to own . But i really dont know.
The rhythm's going faster , sloppy patterns im getting numb .
Building up so slow that i have enough time to Think at how a shameful sin i took so easy in a blink And the flick of a Thumb.
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The more i go , the more the flow goes. The more the
waves' rage increase , but i believed i will make it with no home to go back to whole .
Suddenly , the feeling became intense , the ball of metal on my ankle increased in size . My hands became more tired . My eye lids slowly fell down .
Suddenly the feeling of heaven and numbness just rushed by , like a calm wave but i didnt know it would soon wave me off while i drown in pain
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It faded away in a second .
It betrayed me.
Suddenly i drowned .
I couldnt go up.
Its like i was stuck
Its like I slept and could never wake up.
The dream felt more like a Nightmare .
And The more i did it the more my ankle felt heavier And the more my eyes burned when i opened them to carry up .
The more my heart melted into dust and my whole body faded into aches . But my heart , my brain . . . Refused to falter , the more i fought the more it pulled me back , the more my eyes bled acidic tears out of my helplessness and pain ; pain that i caused. The more my flesh was torn away with emotion . Rage or regret i could not tell , just an ocean.
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Suddenly.
I saw black figures circling a-top of me.
Vultures to feed on my decayed body and soul thats in need. But something pulled me back .
Again , 3 figures in front of me , i expected disappointment ,and hate .
But they hugged me tight.
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Emotions fade .
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A bloody blade .
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And a past nightmare-ish foreplay.
They said i can always run back here ; to get confidence and motivation to never pick up the drill ; to never ever ever EVER Doubt myself , and never hate my shape , never underestimate my grace nor my modest , they're both a brace , to wear right on my head , high and proud, guess i better not look down or either my crown'll fall over and drown .
Drown
i guess you know what i mean now , im not justifying false , no . Would never .
but rather finding middle-ground to the misfortune that's just too close now.
YOU ARE READING
A hand-made prison
PoetryThis is more like a poem rather than a story , i talk about a really sensitive topic , and how it affected me. You can quite tell what iam talking about , but i'd rather let your mind just flow with whatever you like the prison to be .
