22. Losing My Mind

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by AlisonBonser

by AlisonBonser

These are the eyes and the lies of the taken
These are their hearts but their hearts don't beat like ours
They burn 'cause they are all afraid
For every one of us, there's an army of them
But you'll never fight alone
'Cause I wanted you to knowThat the world is ugly
But you're beautiful to me
Well are you thinking of me now (now)These are the nights and the lights that we fade in
These are the words but the words aren't coming out
They burn 'cause they are hard to say
For every failing sun, there's a morning after
Though I'm empty when you go
I just wanted you to knowThat the world is ugly
But you're beautiful to me
Are you thinking of me
Like I'm thinking of you
I would say I'm sorry, though
Though I really need to go
I just wanted you to knowI wanted you to know
I wanted you to know
I'm thinking of you every night, every dayThese are the eyes and the lies of the taken
These are their hearts but their hearts don't beat like ours
They burn 'cause they are all afraid
When mine beats twice as hard'Cause the world is ugly
But you're beautiful to me
Are you thinking of me
Like I'm thinking of you
I would say I'm sorry, though
Though I really need to go
I just wanted you to know
That the world is ugly (I just wanted you to know)
But you're beautiful to me (I just wanted you to know)
Are you thinking of meStop your crying, helpless feeling
Dry your eyes and start believing
There's one thing they'll never take from you(And then your face, will be lost forever, we'll never be the same
Like ghosts in the snow
Like ghosts in the sun)

"Thank you" I screamed then walked off stage, first thing I do is grab my phone, start recording and run back out on stage, "Catch me" i shouted into the mic, the fans screamed, I looked at my camera "So guys I miss you all like crazy and I thought I would show you all how crazy" Then I did it, I ran and jumped into the crowd and they did they caught me, and i sailed my way to the back of the crowd where security helped me down and rushed me through the back. Once in my dressingroom I clicked send. My phone was soon flooding with messages from the guys. Since I had been with Ben I have become a bit more reckless, not on my liver that is punished enough but tour is overly fun, me and the band spend most of the time pranking each other, I love my new found confidence and fun.

So a quick catch up, its been 3 months since Ronnie and I decided to stay friends, we haven't really spoken that much because Ben and the guys don't know. Sams funeral was grand everything he deserved, The whole of Asking came with me even though Ronnie was there. My speech was hard, I spent the whole time fighting the tears but I thanked him for everything if it wasn't for Sam I wouldn't be where I am today. "ERR WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT" I screamed snapping me from my daze, "That my sexy princess would be a mixture of raw eggs and flour" a voice I always recognised came from behind me "BEN" i said jumping up "What are you doing here?" I asked, "Thought I would surprise you, Oh nice stage dive" he winked, "well I am surpised, now give me a hug" I said running at him, "No chance, go shower you are all eggy" he laughed running towards the shower room, "Only if you join me" I winked, "I wouldn't have it any other way"

We were soon showered and I was dressed ready for a night out, no show or interviews tomorrow so I can nurse my hangover tomorrow. "you ready" Ben shouted from the door, "Yup lets go" I grabbed my bag and headed out of the dressing room. We got into the town my band came with us, will be odd being out with Ben and not the rest of asking but oh well, "Ben let me just have a cigerette then I will be in" I said lighting mine, "Okay will meet you in there" he said kissing my cheek and heading in. Out of nowhere hands appeared over my eyes, "Guess who" came the british accent from behind me, "JAMES" i screamed, turning around hugging him, "oh my you are all here" I said spotting the rest of the band, "you really think we would miss out of an opportunity for single for the night" Danny joked, "ah Ben didn't tell me that one but it usually ends up being a good night so lets do this shit" I said putting my smoke out and heading into the club, we soon found Ben "SHOTS" he shouted, "you okay with single for the night, it was Dannys idea" Ben whispered, "yeah why not" i answered, "good I already have my target" he laughed, "thats my boy" i laughed, We all drank a bit more then I headed out to smoke again, James followed, I took a drag and exhaled as soon as I exhaled James closed the gap between us, and his lips soon met mine, I honestly thought if this would ever happen I would push him away, I know his feelings towards me and I never want to lead him on but I just couldn't push him away, before i knew it James was pulled away from me, I opened my eyes and there was Ben punching James, "Ben stop it" i shouted trying to pull Ben off of James, Danny soon came out and pulled Ben away "what the fuck Ben? " James said standing up "Ben you said single for the night, last time i checked there was no rules except back to normal the next day" I said standing in front of him, "yeah but we all know it wont be that way with James, it never is" he said glaring at James, for the first time I witnessed Ben being jealous. "I'm going back to the bus, and no Ben you can't come, none of you can" I said walking towards the venue, once on the bus I locked the door and through myself on to the sofa, "what the hell just happened" I said out loud, then a mixture of confusion and alcohol caused the tears to start falling, I got my phone out ignored the texts from the guys and rang Ronnie, "Hey chick, you alright" he asked, "Hey and I guess sorry its late", "Alison are you drunk? and the time is fine" he said, "I guess a bit, but I came back early too much drama" I said trying not to cry again "what happened?" he said rather concered, "Well we did our normal single for the night, James kissed me, Ben went mental and started punching him" I said crying again damn you alcohol, "well I never understood this whole single for the night crap but I know it doesn't usually affect you guys, Ben is just obviously worried he will lose you to James he knows you had feelings for him and that James still has them for you, Can't believe I'm sticking up for Ben but let him sobor up and explain himself to you, you have been so happy with him and you deserve to be happy" "Thanks Ronnie" I said smiling through the tears, "Now go to bed, it will be all okay tomorrow" "good night Ronnie" I said before hanging up, I changed into my nightwear and crawled into my bunk. I soon fell asleep but was awoken by a bang.

I opened my eyes and got up walking into the lounge area to see my band dragging a very drunk Ben onto the bus, "What happened?" I asked, "well James went back to the hotel with Cam and Sam, Danny and Ben carried on drinking, Danny went off with some chick and Ben just started drinking more, he wouldn't listen when we told him to stop and well now we are here" Jamie said, "ah, okay stick him on the sofa, I'm not dealing with a drunk Ben tonight thank you" I said going back to my bunk, once the rest of the guys went to bed I got up grabbed a blanket and went and covered Ben up, I then sat on the floor in front of him, "Why Ben seriously, you called single for the night then all that shit with James I mean yeah I know James has feelings for me but hes not stupid, you only drink this much when something big has happened" I stood up and was just about to go back to my bunk when Ben stirred, "I'm sorry" was all he said then he went back to sleep, "Hmm" I said then went back to my bunk.

James POV

I told him she wouldn't push me away, I know somewhere deep down Alison still feels something for me and he couldn't handle it. She won't want to marry him after tonight that will ruin all of his engagement plans. He stole her in the first places he will not win the final prize.