Tough Love

Between Fear and Courage

"Courage is resistance to fear -- mastery of fear, not absence of fear." - Mark Twain

Sometimes, Kongpob hated how stubborn he was. Granted, he usually had a particularly good reason to remain stubborn, but it often would hurt someone else and cause their relationship to strain.

And, like this time, it forced him to face unfavorable and problematic  situations.

The first chance he saw Arthit at the office after he returned the gear, he was beyond shocked. Arthit looked really bad. While he wanted his action to make an impact to Arthit, but the result nearly made him run and hug Arthit instantly, and tell him to forget everything he had said at the hall and that everything was alright between them.

For a short and quiet moment, his heart warmed when he witnessed how significant his presence was in Arthit's mind that the mere absence of it took its toll on Arthit. No matter how cruel it sounded, there was pride peeking from a place hidden in his heart, knowing that his presence had a reign over the other's heart.

While all of that was true, he also realized that everything came with a great price to pay. Like a double-edged sword, the warmth and pride he earned came along with guilt and fear.

Oh, how it scared him so much to see Arthit's misery. It scared him to see Arthit's swollen eyes and his pale complexion every morning. It scared him the moments he silently and secretly observed how Arthit had to run to the toilet in the middle of office meeting to throw up the residue of his hangover, or how he scrunched up his fatigued face and massaged his temple multiple times.

He might have avoided to interact with Arthit directly at the office and Arthit might not realize it, but his eyes never left Arthit even for a moment. A hangover medicine given by P'Earth, a lunch brought by P'Som-O, an aspirin and pink milk provided by P'Tod — Kongpob would always take care of Arthit, albeit having to use other people to do that and without Arthit knowing about it.

Because after all, he loved that boy — he had loved Arthit with all of his heart. And, to make someone he loved suffer was never in his bucket list.

But, since the beginning, even he had acknowledged how this was indeed a terrible gamble — a gamble that was highly possible in creating collateral damage on its way. Unfortunately, at this moment, this terrible gamble was also the only, best way he knew in how to deliver his love to Arthit.

***

"So, you knew how bad his condition is."

It was not a question from Knot — it was an understanding. Kongpob simply nodded.

The two of them had been sitting in their college's canteen area for more than an hour this Saturday morning. When Knot contacted him after midnight and requested to meet the first thing in the morning, Kongpob knew right away what they would discuss about. So, he immediately agreed to the request.

"Kongpob, I know that this is actually between you and Arthit, so I don't really want to intervene with any of this. But, since we're already here, let me just say what's on my mind," Knot declared. "People have different ways to express their love, and the way I see it, Arthit is not one to express his love verbally — especially in public."

Kongpob chuckled cynically. "You think I don't know that, P'?"

His response caused Knot to frown. Knot realized that there was something he didn't grasp right now, and he was sure that it was related to Kongpob's consideration to carry on with his decision.