I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you (Larry Stylinson)

*Notes: so this time I wrote in english, just because I felt like it. I hope you all like it and that what I wrote is at least a little good.. Comment below and tell me if you did and what parts you like the most. 

Warnings: mentions of self harm and depression, self deprecating thoughts and suicide. Be careful while reading.

Words: 7.102*

It all began a long time ago.

Well, it wasn't that much time ago, you see, they've only been dating since x factor and four years isn't that much time, is it? The thing is, it feels like a lot of time.

Time has a funny way of passing, they thought. X factor passed too quickly, throwing them into the future before they could even plan it correctly. One day they were on the show - happy and singing and kissing and listening to Liam complain about the PDA in their room -, the next they lost and thought that they'd never see each other again, break up and be unhappy forever, and the next they were saying "fuck it, we'll go live together anyway, because love is all we need." Once again their plan turned to shit because they became famous even though they lost, and instead of being in their flat together, they were on a tourbus more often than not with other three lads and a strict "no sex, blowjobs, handjobs or any promiscuous touches" rule. All in all they were alright because their dream was coming true and they could share it with each other and their three best friends.

Those four years passed by like wind, or at least, the bigger part of them did. There were moments though when time seemed to stop, like it wanted to keep them there, forever stuck on what they were feeling in that moment.

Harry didn't mind it because time only seemed to stop on the moments he wanted it to. Like when Louis smiled, or Louis hugged him, or Louis made a joke, or Louis kissed him, or anything Louis. And on the time Louis and Harry were all alone on their bed late at night, time didn't even exist.

On the other hand, Louis did mind it sometimes. Not when he was with Harry, then time could go away and mind its own business, but when he wasn't feeling worthy of, well... living he would like time to go on a little faster thank you very much. And that's the thing about Louis Tomlinson that nobody knew. The rich, sassy and desired boybander was deadly insecure, and when I say deadly I mean it in the most literal sense of the word.

At first not even Harry new. He was just a 16 year old boy after all, and Louis wanted to charm him, not scare him away. It's not like Louis was depressed or suicidal, he just always had had a hard time looking at himself in the mirror and not trying to starve himself for the rest of the day after that.

When he met Harry it got better, but maybe it was just because he barely looked at himself anymore, he just couldn't take his eyes off of the curly haired boy. With time it got worse again, and it was not because Harry wasn't as pleasant to look at as he used to, it was just because people weren't being very nice to him in general. Since the x factor people had been saying that he was ugly, fat, gay and didn't deserve being in the band. The gay stuff was the only one he had never thought about, but maybe it was true, maybe it was what thinking harry was pretty and dreaming of him naked meant. But in all honesty, Louis thought that loving Harry was the best thing he had ever done in his life, and not the most disgusting like people were saying all over his twitter.

Sometimes he just pushed the comments away and looked for Harry so they could kiss and hold hands, but other times he just let himself get carried away, which always ended with him locked in a bathroom, just him, a puddle of his unworthy blood and a blade that always looked as if it was laughing at him.

Time passed and nothing really changed for Louis, except that he had stopped cutting after the x factor finished, when Harry had noticed his cuts on their first time. Now everything was trapped in his mind. Unfortunately, Harry couldn't take his mind away like he had done with his blades. Instead, he would kiss him and hold him while Louis told him his darkest thoughts, and in the end he would tell him he was beautiful and that he loved him no matter what.