Craving for you (Showki)

5. Smile

Note: This is mostly like a flashback + Shownu's perspective kind of thing

Well, Kihyun had always look pretty, was what Shownu thought whenever he coincidentally caught sight of Kihyun back in middle school. Sure, they were in different classes, but Shownu could always feel someone gazing at him intensely during lunch break. But whenever they made eye contact, Kihyun would always turn around, his whole face flushed red. I guess some straight guys might feel disgusted if there was a guy constantly staring at them but not Shownu. Shownu didn't even know whether he likes guys or girls since he couldn't be bothered about love being constricted to only of the opposite sex, but he definitely can't say he dislike Kihyun's gaze. It was quite cute actually, especially with Kihyun's very flushed cheeks which signifies very obviously that Kihyun had been staring at him. It was probably around that time that Shownu started to gain interest. He asked around to find out that that guy was his junior and his name was Kihyun. Gosh, even his name sounds cute.

Ever since then, Shownu tries to catch a glance of Kihyun whenever he can. He thought that Kihyun was indeed charming. Kihyun had round and squishy cheeks, and  whenever he pouts, he reminded Shownu  of  that tiny hamster he used to keep when he was a child. Kihyun also had milky skin  and delicate features, such as his pointed nose, long eyelashes, small almond-shaped eyes and a pretty lisp. Although Kihyun had a smaller structure than other guys, Shownu found that endearing. But what Shownu was most attracted to was Kihyun's pretty smile and laughter. His heart always felt a slight flutter whenever he saw Kihyun laughing, how Kihyun's eyes easily fold up to form crescents, showing an adorable eye smile, while the sound of his laughter was melodic to his ears. Kihyun has a nice voice. Shownu really like Kihyun's smile. He wanted to always see that pretty smile and the glowing sparkle within Kihyun's eyes, hoping that Kihyun would never ever lose that light in him. Ever.

However, there was an abrupt change 
in Kihyun. It was around the time when rumors were spread around the whole  school. Kihyun used to be mocked since he  was tiny and had "girly" looks, which does not fit the basic male beauty standards. However, after the rumors of Kihyun being gay spread around, the bullying got much  worse. Kihyun was bombarded with daily insults from both guys and girls and getting assaulted by his bullies was a daily occurrence. He was almost sexually assaulted once but managed to get away when a teacher happened to be walking past the toilet where he was almost raped. Kihyun always  tried to cover up his own  injuries and whenever someone mocked  him, he  would  hide it  up with a strained  smile. Shownu didn't really know Kihyun  that well but he always saw Kihyun looking  down with a slouched back as if he is  trying to curl or hide himself up and that sight gave a sharp sting in his heart. Shownu could no longer see the lively Kihyun he was used to looking at and  while he thought of approaching Kihyun, he was way too busy since it was his graduating year. He had a  lot of stress from just trying to manage between his studies and his club  activities, plus it could be pretty awkward suddenly approaching someone he barely knew. With that, he graduated from middle  school without ever exchanging a single word with Kihyun despite his slight interest in that peculiar guy who was always staring at him.

So to say that Shownu was surprised to see Kihyun in college was an understatement. He was more than pleased to see the younger guy again. However, Kihyun looked even worse than before and it's obviously shown on his appearance. He thought Kihyun used to be skinny but now Kihyun is all bones, definitely severely underweight. He had lost all life in his eyes, and now he looks so empty. He has prominent dark eye bags and his squishy adorable cheeks is now sharp and hollow. But what pained Shownu the most was the loss of Kihyun's smile. Kihyun look completely tensed and afraid for their first meeting and was mostly quiet,only stuttering a few words in between their conversation and barely making any eye contact with him. Besides, Kihyun was very fidgety and kept tugging on his long sleeves. Like, was he not comfortable to be with his group of friends whom Changkyun had introduced him to? Or did he not like sitting across him? Though he can't think of any reason why Kihyun would possibly hate him. Right?

But the least that Shownu can tell was that Kihyun is in pain and was suffering. He wants to help Kihyun but he did not dare to question the younger as it might make Kihyun even more nervous and jumpy than he is now. But, where did the sassy and confident Kihyun he first saw go? Where did the cute guy with the prettiest smile he ever seen go? Where did Yoo Kihyun go? He did  not like how Kihyun  look so much in pain at the moment that he just want to give the younger a huge embrace and pat him softly, whispering to him that he is so beautiful and perfect. But obviously he didn't do that, it would be intruding into Kihyun's personal  space.  Shownu is determined to approach Kihyun  though, to get closer with him and to tell him all the things he had wanted to say ever since middle school.

"Kihyun-ah, whose smile is pretty, I want to bring back your smile. I want to tell you that I had absolutely fallen in love with you at first sight ever since I've heard your laughter. You are perfect just the way you are."

Little did he know all these words is everything that could have save Kihyun.

Note: Hello, so I'm back with another chapter again today. Really sorry for not updating for a very long time since I've  been very busy with school and my inner thoughts. This was kinda inspired by Shownu's msg to Kihyun on Kihyun's bday and yes, Kihyun has the most beautiful smile. At least that's what I think. Please do  leave some comments so I can improve on  this story >_<