Why me

1

Jess: The struggle is real most mornings. The struggle to find the strength to wake up fo a morning, when i know today is going to be like yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that.....shit. ever since i moved schools 3 years ago, my life has been shit. I came from London where i was happy. I had not one care in the world. Until i moved to Sydney Australia. Don't get me wrong i love Sydney....But.....it's just not the same. I still have a great group of friends, but i always seem to be a loner, i'm the one who third wheels with them and their boyfriends, because they 'feel bad for me'. I act perfectly fine in front of them, but when i'm alone, I cry, because i feel like something is wrong with me. 

I Manage to get up, and get ready for school. when i go into the kitchen, as always i'm the only one left at home. 

i walk out the door and walk as slow as i possibly can to school, cause i know today is February 14th, and i will be the only one who is forever Alone. 

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When i finally get to school, it 9:15, school started 15mins ago. But at this point in time i really don't  give two shits anymore. As i walk to the corridors everything is covered in red hearts, and all of this lovey crap. 

Random Teacher: "Young Lady!, Why are you not in class....you are very late"

I turn around, "oh sorry, my car broke down....so i needed to walk....i came as fast as i could miss" 

Random Teacher: "well hurry up and get to class, if i catch you again, i won't be so lenient" she walks away.

Bitch, i mumble.

i walk to my first class fo the day and it's English... I hate english, more today, cause we are reading love poems....Blah Blah Blah. I take my seat, and take my headphones and phone out and start playing music. Im pretty sure my teacher has given up on trying to get me to do work. she knows i hate english. i know why i hate english...because i'm never good at it....It's all because i've got Dyslexia. English i've never been able to accomplish, when i read something, i can never summarise what just happened, sometimes, when i read, the words are not words, or they are words but in an order that don't make sense. No one knows this though. I don't want to be known as the kid who can't read.

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At Recess, i'm sitting on the Oval, with my group of friends, i still have my headphones in, and as always i'm the odd one out, i have a group of 6 friends and today like everyday, all of their boyfriends are here......FML.

They are always kissing, and cuddling.  It's like i'm not even there. 

Kate: "oi...Jess"

I take my headphones out

Jess: what!?

Kate: "whoa...don't need to get defensive on me. I was just trying to ask you, how did you do on your English SAC yesterday?

Jess: " I didn't do it, i went home after school, didn't even know we had a SAC. Well they haven't told me to do it' As if i would actually do it though. 

Kate just stared at me.

Kate: "wait what do you mean, you didn't do it. You know it goes towards your ATAR RIGHT!"

i nod. no one knows yet that i'm not doing my end of year exams. 

at the end of Recess, i head to Business Management. i love this class. more so my teacher is so good. he helps me so much with explaining how to answer questions, and explaining what terms mean and what certain things are, and what they do within a business. It's the one class where i'm truely Happy. 

**

By the time school ended, i had already left school. i ended up ditching 6th period which was Psychology.

when i got home, i did the same thing i did everyday. Get food, Go upstairs, Check all my social media, do some homework, and sleep.

Today, was no different from any other day. it was a shit day, and i pretended that i was okay......Even though, i'm crying on the inside.