Colored (REVISED)

Chapter 4 : Feeling Close

Chapter 4 — Feeling Close

I don't know what happened but I think, I really have lucky charms. At least, just for today.

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang kaunting saya sa loob ko nang unti-unti kong nagagawang iwasan si Jero. But there's still a part of me that's still hoping. Can I hold on? Kaya ko bang panghawakan ang kaunting pag-asa na ‘yon?

I shook my head. I want my old self, again. ‘Yong walang iniisip kundi ang mga assignments niya. Walang hinahangaan at hindi rin nasasaktan. Gusto kong ibalik sa dati ang lahat pero hindi ko na yata kaya. Maybe, this is just part of growing up.

I pouted my lips as I look at the soccer players. Isinalo ko ang baba at kinuha ang sketchpad sa tabi ko. This is my diversion for now. I really need this especially, now that I can distance my self away from him – from Jero.

Kagat-kagat ko ang lapis habang tinititigang mabuti ang mga players. They are my subject for today's artwork. I actually love to draw landscapes but now – I feel like, I love to paint or maybe sketch something.

Good thing that I have an hour to finish this. Vacant time namin ngayon. Hindi na ako sumama kina Rochelle na pumunta sa coffee shop. I don't feel like going there, actually. And I'm kind of irritated because they are always talking about Crayon – the exchange student. Hindi ko alam kung anong meron sa kaniya.

“Ang ganda...”

Napatigil ako sa ginagawa. Nanigas ang katawan ko sa kinauupuan.  My eyes widened when I saw Jero, he's standing right in front of me. He's looking at my work, wearing his beautiful smile.

“Can I sit beside you?” tanong niyang nakangiti pa rin.

I can't help but to admire his smile. His physique. His scent. His eyes. All of him, I really can't. Mas lalo lang akong nahuhumaling sa kaniya. Kaya dapat hangga't maaari ay iiwas ako.

“Sure.”

Umihip ang hangin. Naghalo tuloy ang amoy ng sariwang hangin at mabango niyang amoy.

“You're really good at this, huh?” Tinitigan niya ang gawa ko pero ako, tinitigan ko ang perpekto niyang mukha. I just looked away when I realized that I should stop these shits of mine. “I know how to do this. Pero hindi ako magaling tulad mo.”

I smiled. “Madali lang naman ‘yan.”

“Well, for you it is but for me it isn't.” Mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti niya. “Hindi ko alam na marunong ka pala. I mean, magaling.”

“Salamat. I'll take that as a compliment.” sagot ko at ngumiti.

I want to thank my lucky charm right now, if ever I have one. I didn't stutter! I am thankful that I can act that I am comfortable for doing this kahit na alam kong kailangan ko siyang iwasan.

“It is.”

I stared at him for a while. I can see his perfect smile. Hindi ko maiwasang mapangiti rin. Kung hindi pa ako mapapapikit dala ng hangin ay hindi pa ako mawawala sa pagtitig sa kaniya.

Reality just hit me. I need to get out from my fantasies. Because, my fantasies are hurting me. Big time.

Tumayo na ako. “I need to go, Jero.”

“Sabay na tayo.” He also stood up, still flashing smile on his lips.

“No!” sabi ko kaya ay bahagya siyang nagulat. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. “I mean, hindi ka puwedeng sumama sa akin sa CR.”

“But I can acc––”

I trailed him off. “Bye! See you sa room!”

Nagmamadali kong kinuha ang mga gamit at tumakbo palayo sa kaniya. Rinig ko pa ang iilang tawag niya. I'm sorry, Jero. I'm just doing this for my own good.