You exist, and so I'm thankful

🌃🌧🌃🌧🌃

Yoongi wonders sometimes, weither it was a right choice to move to Seoul. The city was a cold, harsh place for those who didn't know the loneliness if it, who only learned of friendly neighborhoods and family reunions every summer.

He wonders if the people who share his circumstance feel it too, the emptiness, Knowing that nobody actually cares for you here. Your family only calls you once in a while to make sure you're still alive. Your friends go separate ways after a night out or a day at work with only small words of farewell.

The loneliness didn't bother him most of the time. In fact, he preferred it. He wasn't a social person. He'd rather stay home and listen to his music or play the small Piano placed on the corner of his room - one he'd bought after five months worth of his salary, though not a choice he regrets - than hitting clubs and getting drunk with people who won't give two shits about him if he didn't come back safe to his apartment that day.

But at nights like these, sitting by the small window in his small apartment, where the rain pattered against it in almost a soothing rhythm - not a fixed one, but that was the beauty of it, or so he likes to believe - the cold clinging into his nimble bones making him curl in his blanket a bit tighter, made his feeling of resentment towards closure to others buried deep within his brain. instead other feelings reach the surface, those that made his heart clinch and called out to find somebody, anybody, to make this void in heart less painful somehow.

He couldn't do that, he knew he couldn't, not really. He didn't have it in him. No one really liked his cold and brash attitude. While some would be attracted to it, they don't stay once they see what's behind the walls he'd made for himself. They wanted someone who was steel, one who was stronger than them, who'd break them apart and bring them together because the pain made them feel alive, they loved the feeling of it and Yoongi could never provide that.

Because he wasn't steel, He was only of Iron and Iron easily corrodes. And apposed to his strong resolve and patience he was a weak man, his insecurities overwhelmed his at times and usually it made him question why he's still breathing. He hated it, all of it. He just couldn't change it.

"Yoongi? Are you home?"

Yoongi let out a startled gasp and it was gone, he was roughly pulled from his dark thoughts, thankfully.

"Yeah, I'm in here."

Light footsteps pattered against the wooden floor. Ruffling of shoes and clothes being removed brought some background noise to the usually quiet place.

"Hey." Hoseok gave him a small smile. One that burned deep in his conscious. Yoongi was quite fond of it.

"Hello."

"It's really cold today, I thought I was going to freeze! May I join you?"

Yoongi nodded and scooted aside on the long couch, lifting his arm and opening the blanket wide for the other. The younger boy happily jumped in and shuffled to make himself comfortable. He laid his head against Yoongi and Yoongi never declined, he never did.

"Yoongi."

"Hm."

"How are you feeling today?"

Yoongi shrugged and played with Hoseok's brown hair absentmindedly.

"I'm okay."

The conversation ended there, the rain conversating instead with the silent apartment. The brunet held the older's hand rather loosely, but Yoongi felt every emotion the other meant to send. Comfort, company, and hope.

That was what Yoongi adored about him. Hoseok wasn't steel, he wasn't Iron. Hoseok was gold. He was plaint on his own, but oh, so strong. He was bright and beautiful, everyone loved bright, beautiful things. But Yoongi knew people didn't treat beautiful things well and a voice in his head always screamed to protect and take care of him. He does his best, he supposed. The boy seemed to like him, He knows that much and Hoseok made sure to remind him of that. The thought gives him comfort at times.

"How was your day?" Yoongi sparked the conversation. He owes that to the younger boy, at least. he was too gloomy and he was very aware of it.

"Nothing much. I started teaching a new choreography today and the students were very hardworking. A new student joined, his name was Jeongguk, very talented as far as I call tell. And I swear hyung he looks like a damn bunny! He was cute and kinda bratty too, I think Jimin is already crushing on him." Hoseok let out a quiet chuckle that sounded like music and Yoongi found himself chuckling along.

"Not surprised, Jimin seems to have a thing for cute people."

"Yeah, I bet Taehyung will crush on him too." He seemed to remember something and he groaned in annoyance. "Fuck, I really hope not! Both him and Jimin are already a pain in my ass! Imagine a triad of them!"

Yoongi clicked his tongue playfully.

"Sucks to be you."

Hoseok shoved the older weakly, a laugh showing his pearly while teeth.

"You're a jerk."

"Shut up, you love me."

The younger's smile quieted down to a smaller, more somber one. His favourite. Wherein his were usually like the bright sun in midday, this one was like sunset. It held many words, like the sunsetting would withhold colors

"I guess I really do, huh?" He looked up to him, their hands subconsciously grasping tighter.

Yes, Yoongi still wonders sometimes if he'd done the right choice by moving to Seoul. But at moments like these, reminded him that this barren city has it's warmth that washes the cold loneliness away. One in form of Jung Hoseok.

Yoongi smiled back.

"Well, I guess I do too."