Restart

Tasha
   It had been more than a month since she'd returned to the FBI. It was not easy to find courage and come and ask to be accepted back, but she did. She felt that  Reade was very upset with her for leaving and to working with Blake. But not only for feeling that she betrayed them professionally, but also for the feelings she said she had for him and gone away even after spending the night together.
   She felt she had to make it that happiness did not seem real, and that it was not common in her life to feel so loved by anyone. She felt she had to escape, that she needed to try to help rid humanity of evil, like, Crawford, Roman.
   After some time working with Blake she felt empty, something missing in her life, a greater purpose, people who loved her and really wanted beside them. After a discussion with Blake and her lawyer she decided that it was enough.
   Reade talked to the FBI staff and they accepted her without reluctantly, but she knew it was not really like that. So whenever they met to talk and drink, she made up an excuse and walked away.
   Today they were matching to go to Weller's and Jane’s house later, Weller was well recovered, he was already working, because everyone was working on the clues left by Roman to find the cure for Jane's disease. Realizing that they were matching to get together, she walked away, Patterson met her in the hallway some time later:
   "Are you going to Weller’s house today?" Patterson asked
   “Oh no! It will not happen, I have a commitment for today”. Tasha said defensively.
   "Look, I think you should go, it's going to be fun." Patterson said.
   "I don’t think it will."
   Even with Patterson she was distant, because after what happened on Borden, they started talking again, but she felt that it was not the same and she didn’t want to passing the limits, she preferred to let time take care of repairing the mess she did.
   Her experience at the CIA was very good for her professional growth, but her hands were tied about many things and she didn’t like to think all the time she worked there.
   They had finished work and she was in the locker room to get her things when Reade entered:
   "Hey, Patterson told me you're not going to Weller’s house!"
   “I can’t go!”
   “Do you already have commitment or are you avoiding us?”
   "Look, Reade, I know when I'm not welcome in a place!"
   "There's nothing like that! You are in this work, we accepted you back and are adjusting to your presence again. You can’t think that after what you did it would be so easy to make everyone forget.”
   "That's why I can’t go! No one is obliged to stand in my presence if they don’t want to. At work it's different, but in personal life they can choose and I choose not to go!”
   She makes it go and Reade holds her arm not hard, but steadily. He looks into her eyes:
   "I'm trying to trust you again and forget what you did."
   "And I'm trying to fix what I did, and I hope everyone, and especially you, to forgive me. But I can’t force you.”
   “He lets go of her arm and lets her go.”

Reade
   They've been at Weller's house for over an hour. Even after the conversation they had he still has hope that she comes. He can’t deny the surprise he felt when she appeared in his office and asked to return to the FBI. The desire he wanted to run and hug her, but at the same time he wanted to fight her for leaving, for not returning his calls, for running away and not giving them a chance. He knew she'd always put up barriers to her happiness, she'd rejected earlier when he kissed her. This time he thought it would be different, that they would be together, but not, he felt her escaping from his hands and he couldn’t do anything.
   “It's OK?" Patterson realizes he's far away.
   “Yes it is!” - He lies.
   "She's not coming, is she?" Patterson knows what he's thinking.
   "I do not think so.” Reade says sadly.
   "Did you talk after she came back?" She seems to know the barriers they've created.
   “Not really. We had an discussion earlier when I asked if she would come. She said she wouldn’t feel welcome.” Reade smiles sadly.
   "And you, do you think she'd be welcome?" Patterson asks looking into his eyes.
   "I'm trying to trust her again.
   “Are you afraid.” Patterson says.
   “I? No. Afraid of what?” Reade speaks defensively.
   "To open up and she leaves again." She really knows about things.
   "Do you think I should look for her?" He asks hopefully.
   “You know. Maybe she really needs to know how you feel.”

Tasha
   After taking a shower she opened a beer, but even that did not make her relax. She imagined everyone gathered there, having fun, and she here, alone. How could she be so stupid to want to be in a place where no one wanted her? What the hell! A few months ago that team was all she had, and now she had nothing! She was alone. Even Reade had walked away. Oh, Reade! He miss our complicity, our hugs, the kisses he gave her and the night they made love! But that was a far away, and she knew it wouldn’t happen again, because he didn’t trusted her, and she couldn’t ask him for it, because it was her fault.
   Lost in her thought, she heard a knock on the door.
   “What the hell! I can’t stay here alone in peace!” She grunts. She opens the door and gets scared.
   “Reade!? I said I wouldn’t go to Weller's house!” She speaks in a slightly altered voice.
   "I know, you told me.” He's standing at the door. “Can I enter?”
   “Sure, sorry.” She makes way for him to pass.
   “I only wanted to see you.” He speaks in her eyes.
   He totally disarms her and she can’t says anything. He puts his hand gently on her face to pull a strand of hair back and she rests her face in her hand. He pulls her and kisses her gently, she can’t do nothing and return the kiss. Those lips against hers were all she'd wanted.
   When they stopped kissing he looks into her eyes:
   "Tell me you aren’t leaving again!"
   “What? No, I'm not leaving again!”
   He kisses her again and they didn’t control their next actions. When they realize they are already in Tasha's bed without clothes loving themselves.

---- End ----