Life's great: for some

Chapter 3

Honestly, being the quiet, shy kid in the class isn't a bad thing, I mean it's not great but I'm usually left alone and I hear a lot of gossip because either they don't realise I'm there or know for a fact that I wont tell the person, not that I'm a snitch anyway, It's even funnier when the teacher has a seating plan and tends to move the popular's away from each other, putting them in couples around the room, they basically bitch about each other, even the ones who joke and laugh around the most, trust me split them up and watch one say how they wanna smack the other so bad. 

Currently I was sat at the back in English, the tables created an 'L' shape and I was at the corner of said 'L' next to some boy called Harry, we barely talked but he wasn't an dick so it was alright. However connecting to our table where the 'L' starts to go up was probably some of the biggest dickheads: Jack and James. They're the guys who talk a lot of shit like "I'm gonna smack 'im in" but I've honestly never seen or heard of them getting in fights, I don't talk to them and they don't talk to me it's some sort of unspoken agreement: I just listen in on their conversations, especially this one. 

"Have you seen the new girl? she's so fit"

I cringed, I loathe the word 'fit' I don't know if any other place like America uses it but the chavs in Britain do and I can't stand it! No it does not mean she's in good health but rather it tends to describe someones appearance mostly their body/ sexual appearance, when boys use it more likely than not they're describing their boobs or the fact that they have flat stomachs and shit. It makes me so annoyed when anyone does it even when girls describe men as fit because I believe there's a lot more than appearance or at least so many more beautiful words to describe someone's appearance. I don't maybe that's just me. 

"Nah, who is she?" 

"I don't know her name, but she's got dark skin" then Jack got quieter and put his hands a bit way away from his chest "she's got some massive-" they both laughed and I wanted nothing more than to smack them and be sick.  

It just annoys me that they honestly couldn't think of anything, any other word to describe this girl like i don't know maybe beautiful or gorgeous. Most importantly why did that make me feel so insecure, I mean I'm already a very insecure person but it's like I could physically feel my brain back away and hide from what I've no idea, like those boys were going to turn to me and say shit like "Of course we're not talking about you" "you're way too ugly" I wouldn't put it past them: My mind just felt so sick. 

I spent most of my day quiet after that, as if I wasn't enough. My lessons sort of passed in a blur and then came lunch, I really didn't want to eat I just wished lunch would pass as fast as those lessons: It didn't. My time was spent walking between friends in this little area my group had claimed, pitching in every now and then, and oh yeah then completely losing all my brain cells at this one girl - I don't mean that in a bad way, like she literally just took my words away. I'll give you a rundown. 

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"Hi guys" Rosy, one of my friends, came walking over with a girl awkwardly following behind her I hadn't noticed the girl at this point: I barely noticed Rosy. "This is Sierra" Rosy stepped to the side "She's new, probably hang around us until she gets sick of us or realises we're actually horrible people" Sierra laughed a little at that. Now the word 'new' is what caught my attention I was secretly praying this wouldn't be the girl who the boys had called fit quite frankly I wish they'd never called some girl fit or commented on her boobs. I pulled myself together and turned around. This is where it happened when my mind just went blank and I couldn't, she was definitely the girl they were talking about but I couldn't fathom that they just simply called her 'fit' she had the most beautiful dark skin, curly black hair that fell below her boobs, I mean it just looked so thick and soft. She made dark brown eyes seem so fascinating: I couldn't breath. 

"Wait, Elise is nice" she dragged Sierra over to me and I started panicking, I can't talk! my mind just hurled itself at a massive wall called "being gay" and lost all ability's. 

"Elise is the furthest thing from nice" Dom chipped in out of nowhere, he wasn't even in this conversation!

However I couldn't even defend myself with a fake offended look and a "hey" I just stared into nothing and hoped that by some random change of events that I got hit by an aeroplane. "Hi, I'm actually pretty nice" I spoke up after awhile of awkwardly standing but now my mind was racing, do I offer a handshake? hug her? well let me tell you a normal person would just do nothing leave it at that because it was a good reply. 

I fucking finger gunned at her. I actually took my hands out my coat pocket and fucking finger gunned at her like the actual anxious bi child I am. Luckily she gave me a finger gun back and laughed "Hi, I'm glad, nice people are pretty neat" I smiled at the use of neat because it was something I used when I was being awkward or put in an uncomfortable situation. 

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And that's basically all that happened. Now I know, I know you're probably all thinking the same thing 'What do you mean that's it? Didn't you swoop her off her feet' well, I'll be glad to let you know that I in fact didn't do that... I actually kinda avoided her but subtly, y'know played it off like I was following Dom everywhere he went. That was until Tianna just blessed us with her presence and just decided out of nowhere "Elise, why are you following Dom around?" really loudly and that meant everyone in our group looked at me - which is just what I want by the way, to be centre of attention, totally not being sarcastic 

"Cause Elise just wants my full and undivided attention" Dom joked while patting his chest, which is something I've realised he does a lot when making similar jokes to that one

"You've caught me! I just admire Dom so much that I want him to pay attention to me" I replied back sarcastically, I've also realised that when you're shy and anxious like me it's better to not get flustered at things like that but instead carry on the joke super sarcastically on hopes that they're intelligent enough to catch onto the sarcasm and if they don't then it's probably best you just leave them because they can't be helped at that point. 

"Awe do you love him?"  

Right, well this is where I panic because I can either go down the route of "Mm definitely not" which could result in Tianna doing that shitty 12 year old thing of "You're blushing!!!!" when you're not or I continue joking along ramping up the sarcasm level. I overthink a lot.

"Who doesn't love Dom" wow a wild Calvin appeared.

Honestly, there isn't much to say about Calvin except he's really fricking tall and lanky, like I know im 5'3 and the shortest in the group so everyone is tall to me but I mean he's the tallest in our group I'd say probably 5'9 maybe 5'10 I'd honestly have to ask. He also doesn't really talk to many people in our group except his own little squad of 4, not including him, and Dom and sometimes the others if they start a conversation first - I've been making progress though, now he starts conversations with me first. 

I kinda stepped back from this conversation too mentally tired to add more. Please let God smite me soon.

 Hi, I haven't updated this in ages that's mainly been cause nobody has been reading it and I had been doing kinda bad mentally but now im okay and honestly I don't mind if no one reads this because It makes me kinda happy to write it :)