Luckiest Man Alive

Not Good Enough

The fairy lights twinkle over the small party at your best friend's house. Soft music plays while you sit outside and watch the stars with some of your closest buddies. Accompanying you that evening was your long time boyfriend Bill. He got along with all your friends and of course, they loved him. He was so charming and sweet, who wouldn't love him? John, your closest male friend, came over to talk to you and Bill. John was like your brother, someone who you could tell anything to, yet you had zero romantic interest in him. Telling you a hilarious story, John keeps grabbing your arm for dramatic effect. You laugh at every joke, not noticing Bill wilt with each chuckle. Bill saw how great the dynamic between you are your friend was. The conversation flowed so easily; was he keeping you from a real relationship with John? Bill knew he wanted to marry you the moment he met you, but what if he was not good enough? Maybe you would be happier with your friend?

The party slowly dies down when you and Bill decide to leave. Both of you get in the car with you behind the wheel, singing along to "Lust for Life" by Lana Del Rey. Thinking about your relationship and how thrilled you are with Bill reminds you of the best Lana songs; The ones about being so in love that no one else exists. Looking over, you see Bill gazing out the window. He hasn't said a word the entire ride home. Come to think of it, he wasn't very talkative towards the end of the party either.

"Are you feeling ok Billy?" concern laces your gentle voice.

Bill does not respond and continues to stare blankly.

"Sweetheart?" you say, leaning over to run your fingers through his soft hair.

Shaken from his daydream, Bill finally looks over at you. You see such despair in his eyes.

"What did you say?" he quietly responds.

"Are you feeling ok? You're really quiet tonight".

"I'm fine" Bill sullenly replies.

The car ride continues in silence. You keep glancing over at Bill; his expression has not changed. Something is definitely wrong.

Later that night, you come out of the bathroom and find Bill sitting on the couch, watching TV. Putting on your cutest, sweetest smile, you hop on the couch next to him.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Huh?" he replies.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing" Bill says with little emotion in his voice.

You continue to stare at him. Are those tears in his eyes? You scoot closer to him and kiss his cheek. Bill doesn't react. Normally, the slightly touch from you sends him into a tizzy.

"Please tell me what's wrong Billy"

"I'm just tired"

You continue to berate him with questions, getting the same reply. It was driving you crazy. Finally, you had enough of whatever this was.

"Bill, will you please tell me what's wrong?" you beg, holding his face in your hands and turning him towards you. A single tear rolled out of his eye and onto your thumb.

"I'm not good enough for you"

"What are you talking about?"

"At the party, you and John. You just seemed so... happy"

"Bill, no one makes me as happy as you do"

"But you were laughing, you just seemed so free. You are such an angel; you deserve better than a demon like me"

Hearing Bill talk like that broke your heart. You spent another hour desperately trying to convince him that he was the most wonderful human in the world. How could this gorgeous, kind, intelligent man think he was not good enough for you? You repeatedly told him that you had no romantic feelings for John and would never cheat on him.