Unspoken Feelings

Chapter 5 - How it Changed

**Trigger Warning 

I know that nobody is perfect. Everyone has their own troubles. Everyone has their scars. Some might not find it beautiful, but the right person will. My parents.. they are the one who raised me, love me. No matter what they did that traumatized me, I am still their child, their baby. And I still love them. 

This one time they are fighting. At the moment I didn't know why, but some other years later I found out that my father was cheating. At first, my mom was just shouting at him because he got home very late yesterday and didn't give a good explanation. She had called his office but they say my dad had already go home hours ago. His office.. it's two hours away. And of course my mom started to freak out. She had issues about that.

When she was in college, she had an accident. At that time, cell phones is still very rare here. Some good people want to take her to hospital, but she insisted on contacting her father first (my grandpa), she's the closest to him. But then he didn't answer because nobody is home. So she called her uncle and he's the first one to go to the hospital to see how my mom is doing. After like 3 hours, finally they get a hold of my grandfather and he is immediately on his way to hospital. 

He met my mother and right at that moment, her body is not in shock anymore. She felt sick and the nurse got her a vomit bucket. She did threw up. But she threw up blood and pass out. She's in comma for a month. She had a concussion, she was driving a motorcycle and her head is the first thing that hit the asphalt. She hit a drunk driver who didn't have his light on. Well of course she wakes up, or I wouldn't be here right now. But since that accident, she always asked the people she knows to tell her if they're going home, if there was a traffic and that's why they're late, if they still have work and got hold up in the office because she needs to know. Or she'll be worried sick. She doesn't want what happened to her to happen to anyone else.

The accident though, it kinda messes up her memory. She didn't remember anyone from high school. And her memory is quite short. The long term memory... she always forget the details. I get it though. It's the head injury. I get it. The thing is, she didn't went through a head surgery. There was bleeding but she wasn't bleeding into her brain. It's outside her skull and her brain was bruised. She was supposed to have her head checked up every year because of the possible aneurysm. She didn't do it.. and honestly I am worried.

So my mom is a nut about people's whereabouts. While my dad is an only child. His parents is very controlling (oh believe me, a college student, especially a boy, had a curfew?? and at nine fucking pm! Like wtf? I'm not even gonna be home at 9 pm lmao). I could understand their worry though, he's very.. spoiled. He is an indigo (for anyone that didn't know what that means, I suggest you to look it up. But the easiest way to say it is that he sees ghosts, hear them, could communicate with them, but nah. He doesn't want to. They keep bothering him though, and so he still sleeps with his dad until 10th grade. Crazy? yeap. No wonder he doesn't have a sibling.. oops). Well obviously after experiencing overprotective parenting, he wouldn't want to be asked every 15 fucking minutes either he have gotten home or not. Which what my mom do. Well everyone have their own reasons. Believe me, they do. 

They fought so hard. I can still hear their voices. The hurtful words that my dad throws at my mom, the accusations that my mom throw back, the scream, the breaking glass, the furniture flying. I can't lie and say it didn't phase me at all. Because it does. I was so terrified. Who wouldn't be if their parents are shouting and throwing things at each other like a mad man? I just sat in the corner of my room, shaking. Both of my hands trying to cover my ears. I don't wanna hear them.

But then there is a sudden silence. The sound of the front door slamming shut and motorcycle engine. 

Someone left. 

My chest feels tight, my heart wrenched even tighter. Who left? 

I got up slowly and look around. My mom is standing in front of the mirror, crying. Before I could do anything, she cried even harder and grabbed my dad's perfume bottle. It was almost empty. She threw it at the floor. She took another bottle and did the same thing. Until there are nothing to be thrown anymore. 

She sat on the bed and cry and cry and cry.. the tears is never ending. My heart hurts. It hurts so much to see my mom cried like that. I didn't know how to comfort and the only thing I could do is to offer her tissues. She said thank you in the softest whisper. She look at my eyes and that is when my heart broke. 

Her eyes.. it was not golden brown anymore. It doesn't sparkle with humor, or love, or rage.  It's hollow and red and wet because of the tears. It's the eye of someone who lose hope. Who is insecure. Someone who needs to know she is loved and so I sat beside her. I can't say anything. I don't know what to say. At that moment I know, being there for the person that you love, even if you can't help, is the best support someone can have. 

When you love someone, it's gonna feel like you've gave them your all. Like you lose so much for that love. But sometimes we feel like they didn't do the same, even if they did. Humans are selfish creatures. We demand so much from people but then we ourselves cannot fulfill their expectations on us. Never. And I mean NEVER say to a person you love that they didn't do enough. Maybe they didn't, maybe they already give their best, we never fully understand a person. Just say what you want, what you need. Do not accuse them for something you don't know either they did on purpose or not. Do not judge a person by simply what you see them doing.