How to Disappear

Chapter I

It was scary. Not knowing if I was going to survive what was happening to me. What I did to myself, and what I did to the little amount of people that actually care about me. Also not knowing what's was going to happen after whatever happens...happens. I won't let them down. I don't know why I thought I could kill myself. Because what amount of people who are like me going through hell or have been through hell have people like them care so much after everything. How could I die when I finally had what little amount I felt I didn't deserve. What a big change these people made in the little amount of time I had before this happened. I just have to fight. I have to fight for Cole, for Joanne, and for Cameron. But first I just had to sleep.

When I closed my eyes everything went bright. I saw white clouds and a gate. But behind me a male voice spoke. As soon as I heard it I was exploded with joy. For the first time in a long time I had a genuine smile on my face. I ran out to him and gave him a big fat hug.

"Dad." I whispered into his chest as he was holding me even tighter.

"Hey cookie." I used to love when he called me cookie. He gave me that nickname because when I was little my mother used to make us cookies all the time and I wasn't aloud to have one. So on night when mom worked late dad and I would sneak some cookies and watch cartoons. Those were the good times when I was little.

"Dad? Wait where am I?" I asked panicking.

"You can let go Ivy. You can stay here with me. We can do things together all the time. Like old times." He smiled taking a step closer.

"I-" I paused for a moment thinking about my decision. "I-I can't. It's not enough anymore dad. I actually have people care about me more than I knew. I have to fight for them. I'm sorry."

He looked at me sadly but then he said "This makes me sad, but I want you to be happy cookie. I hope you build something out of yourself. You're very smart." He gave me one more hug. Then I was pulled away from him quickly. I woke up and took in a big gulp of air gasping at the top of my lungs.

Cameron stood up as quick as I opened my eyes. Joanne and Cole came in the door at the same time and they were all smiling. Joanne was touching my leg and Cameron was touching my cheek to feel how cold I was. But I think Cole was just happy. As Joanne put another blanket on my pale body, Cole hugged me tight. It kind of hurt but I didn't want to tell him that. After all, I did survive my death.

"I missed you too Cole." I said in complete pain. I took the wires off and leaned against Joanne when I stood up because she was closest.

"Let's go to the cafeteria." I said grudgingly smiling. Everyone smiled as we were walking down to the cafeteria, but they were treating me like a baby and were worrisome.

"Oh and Cole." I said. "Go ask the nurse for some scrubs. I hate these gowns." When we got to the cafeteria I was so nervous. This would be my first time eating in months. Joanne sat me down on a cushioned chair. I looked at the menu and I only saw one things that I wanted.

"I want chinese." I giggled a little when I said that. It was ironic to me that I wanted chinese after the night Cole and I went to get some. Especially because I passed out cold. ANd then I almost died. Then I remembered something. I said yes. I said yes to Cameron. And then I almost died right in front of him. He probably hates me. As Cole went to take my order, because he knows my favorite chinese food, The nurse brought me some scrubs. I went to the bathroom in the cafe and changed but I almost couldn't do it on my own.

"I'll help you Ivy." Joanne suggested.

"No! I mean no. I can do it." I got up, barely, and went to change. As I looked at my body in the mirror it was so skinny. I didn't realize how much damage I had done. I was disappointed. Not in my decision. In myself. So after I changed I went out only to find that Joanna wasn't there with Cameron anymore.