Daydream

Everyday.

     Damn. Its another shitty day at my school. Saint Mary's Catholic. My hands are shaking as I pick up my pencil to take notes for my History class. Father James has been really hard on us lately about our academic performance. Right about now, I would be giving myself a nose bleed to get out of school. I need to drink, I need to smoke, I need anything to get me through today. Anything that can get me away from these people. My family isn't much better. At least they check up on me every once in awhile. Of course I lie and say everything is fine, while pulling down my sweater sleeves that currently hide the deep wounds I have just given myself. "Mr. Wilson, is there something more important to be thinking about?" Father James spoke, as it pulled me out of my daydream about what I can do to get my fix. "No Father." I say as I continue to write down the assignment for tonight. The loud screech of the bell scared me while I began to go deep in thought on what I should write about. I feel relieved as I realize I only have one more class to go through today. Gym. I usually just skip that period, but today I'm going to go, I can't have another absence or my mother will be alerted, and I can't have that. But I have to change in the locker room with all of the boys, although their bodies are great to look at, every one of them make fun of me. I stand up and start to head towards the door as Father James asks me to stay behind. I walk over to his desk, he waited until everyone left, so he could close the door. He phoned down to my gym teacher to tell him that I will be a little late today. As he puts the telephone down he pauses and takes a deep breath. "Mr. Wilson, are you okay? I've noticed that you haven't been paying a lot of attention in my class lately. And to be quite honest, it's kind of offensive." He spoke with such a stern tone, he doesn't care if I'm okay or not, he just wants to know why I haven't been taking part in his class. "Yes Father, I'm quite alright actually, I just haven't been getting much sleep lately, late night chores sir, they can be a killer sometimes." Every word came out as a lie. I didn't care that I was lying to him. He could go die in a ditch for all I care. He started to speak "Okay son, just try to pay more attention in class. Now you'd better get going before you miss too much in your next. Have a good day son, you're dismissed." I walk out fast with long strides. I was sweating. 2:00 P.M. great, I don't have to change in the locker room with the other boys. Relieved, I step into the locker room, and immediately reach into my bag, I pull out a bottle of pills, the bottle is full of Xanax. I pop four as I take out my shorts and gym shirt. I recently got a new one. Its black and has long sleeves so I don't have to worry about people seeing my scars. I look in the mirror and see my ribs sticking out. I haven't ate in a week. I've been either too high or drunk to even think about eating. I close my eyes so I don't have to see the scars all lined up. Just as pull my shirt down over my stomach the door opens, and I feel a striking pain go across my face. And everything went black as my head hit the floor.