Nearly Lost

Chapter 3

"I'm not mad. I'm hurt. There's a difference"

Playlist for today (listen for better reading experience!): All The Stars - Kendrick Lamar and SZA

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I keep my head low as I walk the depressing halls of my school. People were suspiciously quiet as I passed them, not even stopping to whisper immediately I was out of sight. It was making me nervous. Why wouldn't they say anything?

To be honest, I didn't like it one bit, even though I was supposed to be grateful. I mean, wasn't that what I wanted, for them to shut up?

I finally decide to raise my head to look at their expressions, trying to decipher their emotions and thoughts all in one stare. They were looks of pity, boredom, fear, guilt, but most where completely unreadable. I take in my surroundings and see posters of Jay pinned to the wall. The title went: "Missing. Have you seen this person?". And that's when it started.

"Kira I'm so sorry for your loss"

"Don't worry we'll find him"

"You might be a disgusting bitch, but no one deserves what happened to you"

"Are you okay?"

"You must be so devastated"

"You got what you deserved"

"You never deserved Jay, just so you know"

"Great, the hot nerd's single now"

I could go on and on but I'm afraid there's no time for that. I'm not going to lie though, this was the worst school day I've ever experienced in my whole years of high school. Shocking right? I usually stay low, that's how I survived most of the year.

"Kira!" Evie exclaims as I pass through the front door. I engulf her in a big hug and toss her in the air.

"You are literally the only good thing that has happened to me all day" I say exasperatedly.

"What made you sad?" Evie says to me with such an adorable voice, I feel all my resentment wash away.

"Nothing I can't handle" I say with a forced smile. She stares at me for a while and then she says so quietly, with tears welling up in her eyes "Kira, I miss Daddy".

That statement was going to bother the hell out of me for the rest of the day.

Mum wasn't going to be around for the whole day because she was making rounds at the hospital, so Auntie Kory was babysitting for the day. When she saw me comforting a silent crying Evie from the kitchen window as she was making dinner, she rushed up to us.

"Oh Kira, you're back. What's the matter with Evie?" she said, care evident in her voice. Auntie Kory was a woman in her late 20's , had a body fit for a super model, but was also down to earth, acted crazy sometimes, and knew when to act responsible. These were one of the times.

"Er Auntie- " I start but she shoots daggers at me with her eyes, willing me to correct myself. "Sorry, Kory. She misses Dad" I say quietly, trying not cry myself. I see a fall in her expression but she covers it on time before one could register it well. She grabs Evie from me to hug her "Shh my darling, it will be alright. My darling Evie ..."

When my aunt is done calming Evie down, she takes her upstairs and lulls her to sleep. When she's done, she comes downstairs quietly, probably trying not to wake Evie up. She sees me staring at her as she takes a seat beside me on the couch.

"This mustn't be easy for you Kira, now is it?" she says with a genuine smile but her eyes told me she was trying to keep it together, but slowly falling apart.

She would never admit, but Auntie Kory was the one affected the most by Dad's death among his siblings and pretty much the whole family. She was his favorite little sister and they were inseparable. When she thought no one was looking, I saw her shatter into pieces as she looked at the picture of her and Dad together at the carnival before the accident, and I hear her silently blaming herself for everything that happened each time.

"With you losing two people -" I cut her off immediately "I don't want to hear it" I say coldly even though I didn't mean to. "I'm sick and tired of people pitying me. Of people thinking I need their God damn help. Of people thinking that I'm some kind of broken girl that needs them to fucking fix!".

My aunt surprises me with a big grin.

"That's my girl. You remind me of me more and more each day. I'm really proud of you". What? "We need to let everyone in this damned town know that we are tough and never show emotion!" she says enthusiastically, like we're talking about her wedding.

"Is that why you're always pretending like you're okay when you're not?"

She takes a sharp intake of air and I immediately regret my statement but that doesn't stop my stupid mouth from blabbering anyways.

"I've seen you in your room when you leave the door open a little bit and think no ones watching. You're always crying and muttering something under your breath and I always try to reach out to you but you always fix yourself up before I can." I say in a huff, scared and relieved that I laid it all out on the table.

She scoffs. "You're such a creep Kira". She laughs halfheartedly at my disbelieved face.

"Kory I'm serious. We use to talk but now, you don't tell me anything anymore" I hate the way I sound but honestly I miss my old aunt before the accident.

She gives me a sad smile "There's so much going on that you can't possibly understand."

Then bloody explain woman.

"Kira, you should seriously stop watching people at their private moments, it's creepy" she says jokingly but I could hear the warning edge to her voice .

"Dinner's by 8" she says with a forced smile and leaves the living room, leaving me utterly confused and upset.

Pissed, I grab my coat and without a second thought, drive off to the only place that makes sense to me since my life lost meaning itself.

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A/N

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Love Vanessa💕.